In the Name of Love
by SandraK
Summary: After the events of Scorpion, Janeway and Chakotay are at each other's throats. Can they now stand united against new enemies, both those from without, and those from within?
1. Default Chapter

**I'll confess it now: I was fourteen when I wrote this story (though I claimed to be older at the time). There are dumb grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes that will reflect that; things that should be italicized are not and paragraphs are not necessarily separated from one another. It IS NC-17 (yes, I was a bad fourteen-year-old) and there IS non-con. **

**Feel free to mock. It's been nine years and I don't much care if anyone dislikes it now.**

IN THE NAME OF LOVE

At times like this, Commander, I'm tempted to kill you. I could phaser you right here and not blink an eye, Kathryn Janeway thought, gazing at Chakotay from behind her desk as he spewed off reasons she'd been at fault in their latest clash. She wasn't seriously contemplating murder... not yet. But sometimes she swore he pushed her too far. Of course, she often pushed him too far as well. What was it he had said? "Kathryn, sometimes, you don't know when to step back." Well, same thing could be applied to him.

That was the last time she remembered him calling her 'Kathryn'.

Kathryn felt a rush of weariness run through her, almost allowing her confrontational front to slide away, but she managed to hold onto it by a few threads. They were always arguing now. Always. It didn't matter what they were fighting about, since they could pick a fight over anything. It just mattered who won the argument.

Today, it was a minor argument: the shift schedule for stellar cartography. Kathryn was arguing for three eight-hour rotations. Chakotay argued for four interlinking shifts. Other days, it could be even more tedious, such as a disagreement over the contents of next week's menu, or more important, such as what course the ship should proceed on. The arguments had started during their encounter with Species 8472. They continued ceaselessly from that point on. He simply couldn't let anything go unchallenged.

Take the objective view, Kathryn... you're not entirely blameless, she thought.

When she and Chakotay argued about whether or not to make a deal with the borg, the first time he had really debated with her about anything in a long time, she had announced, "Then I guess I'm alone after all," and sent him out. Looking back, many sleepless nights later, she hadn't been able to figure out just what her motive was for that harsh remark. At the time, it had seemed like a test of his loyalty, whether he'd follow her or not. Maybe she felt like he was contesting her authority, and so she had turned it personal... It's not worth thinking about right now, she told herself. I've got to focus on the matter at hand.

All these thoughts passed in the briefest fraction of a second, and she was aware that she was glaring him straight in the eye, after him having made his point-- she couldn't even remember quite what it was he had said about the Stellar Cartography shift schedule. It was just another fight, and that argument was melded in with the pool of all of the other fights they had recently engaged in.

A pool of fights. The absurdity of the metaphor almost made her laugh out loud, if not for the tension in the air in the present situation.

"This is ridiculous." The words passed her lips without her even realizing she had spoken them out loud. They were quiet, almost beneath her breath, but just loud enough for Chakotay to hear.

Still in his combat mode, Chakotay retorted, "It's far from ridiculous, Captain. I'm making a reasonable suggestion. If you'd just hear me out instead of seeing everything as a goddamn personal challenge to your position..." He faded off, standing up suddenly and pacing to the other side of the ready room, fists clenching and unclenching, apparently as spent as Janeway was.

No comeback instantly came to Janeway. She couldn't think through the exhaustion suddenly overwhelming her. "Is that any way to speak to your superior officer, Commander?" She asked, bemused as she lifted her cup of coffee to her lips. He spun around, a retort just about to tear from his lips, when the words died out. She wasn't looking at him, wasn't waiting for his comeback, but she was sitting with a more distant expression on her face as she slowly sipped her coffee. She almost looked amused, but clearly beyond carrying on the fight.

He sighed, deciding to follow her example and fall silent, sitting back down in the chair across from her. He didn't say a word, but leaned back against and stared pointedly at her, waiting in silence. After a couple of seconds, he shifted in the chair. It was soft enough to provide a certain level of comfort, but not comfortable enough to let one relax in it, or to let one forget about the formality of this office. He nearly smiled as he realized just how that could relate to the woman sitting before him. Finally, after a long, silent pause, he spoke, "I assume when you mentioned ridiculous, you weren't referring to this argument."

"Actually, I was," She snapped back, automatically taking on her combat tone when addressing him. She noticed him stiffen and quickly checked her tone. Softer now, she said, "I was referring to this fight, and each and every single fight you and I have had for the past seven months. Comm--Chakotay, this is utterly absurd. We argue on every opportunity, and it gets nothing accomplished! We need to compromise more... because this is useless." She gestured helplessly to the setting, the same room where the two adversaries had so often sparred.

"I agree, Captain... but you must realize, I've always been willing to compromise--" he began, abruptly cut off when her eyes lit up.

"I suppose you're implying that this is all my fault?" She demanded, squared off for combat once again, the weariness faded into nothingness.

He quickly resumed his defensive posture. "Not everything, but a pretty damn good deal of it, Captain!"

She took in a sharp breath to retort, but her comm badge came alive, "Tuvok to Janeway." She was grateful for the distraction, because it checked her temper. When the Temper took over, Kathryn could never be sure what might pass her lips, and it was probably better not to find out. She tapped her the comm badge, quickly to be prompt enough so as not to arouse any curiosity in Tuvok, but slow enough so it seemed to Chakotay that she wasn't relieved for the distraction, which, she privately was. "Go ahead, Tuvok." She replied, blue eyes locked with Chakotay's dark ones as the air around them fell still. She felt the fire still burning within her, and she wasn't going to bend in defeat to Chakotay, not in any battle of wills.

"Captain, your presence, and the Commander's, is required on the bridge." Tuvok spoke. A wave of satisfaction rolled through when Chakotay broke the gaze to glance down at the floor. At the same time, though, there was a twinge of disappointment that her attempt to discuss the issue had degenerated into a fight. My fault this time.

"We'll be up there in one moment, Tuvok. Janeway out." Kathryn pushed her chair back and stood up. Chakotay stood as well. He hadn't followed her cue and stood up after her, like he used to. Instead, it was a more independent action. Minor details, Kathryn, truly trivial, she rebuked herself for taking note of every little nuance of his behavior. She needed to concentrate more on the matter now at hand

They approached the door at the same time, both halting briefly. She knew he'd clear aside for her to make way first, in some sense of chivalry, but she didn't want that right now.

"After you, Commander," she said.

"Captain," he said with a slight nod of acknowledgment, a gesture Janeway recognized as his customary manner of leaving her presence when they had met alone in her ready room. His voice was curt, perfunctory, as he stepped coolly past her onto the bridge. She followed close at his heels, walking faster than him, reaching the command level faster than him in her customary manner. Maybe he had slowed his pace so he wouldn't overtake her.

"Status?" She asked, taking her seat and glancing down at her panel.

"We are being hailed, Captain," Tuvok stated, eyes intently focused on his panel. Then, with a raised eyebrow, he glanced up. "And the signal has a Starfleet signature."

"Starfleet!" Janeway exclaimed, glancing back at Tuvok in surprise. She quickly turned back to her panel and accessed the sensor array. "We're not detecting any ships-- where's it coming from?"

"A Class-M moon exactly seven light years away from here," Tuvok replied.

"Maybe you should answer the hail, Captain," Chakotay suggested in a quiet enough voice so only Janeway heard. A mild taunt.

Kathryn turned to him. Venom dripped from the words, "All in due time, Commander." She called to Tuvok, "On screen, Mr. Tuvok."

The image before her was static and jumbled for a few seconds before it fizzled to life. A dark, exotic woman filled the view screen. Her deep, velvety voice spoke, "This is Lieutenant Renhika Mehta of the Mercury to the Federation vessel. Please respond."

Kathryn took a step forward, hands on her hips, surveying the Lieutenant through narrowed eyes. It came as a surprise to Janeway that Mehta was only a Lieutenant, being the same age as Kathryn was "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. I have to say, Lieutenant, it's a surprise to run into you out here. Do you require assistance?" Kathryn asked.

"Captain," Relief tinged the dark woman's voice as she took a step closer to the view screen. "We don't require any immediate help. I was wondering if you came from Starfleet... If you're here to take us home?"

"As much as I wish that was the case," Kathryn began, noticing the other woman was holding her breath. "We're stranded out here... as you appear to be." Mehta let out of her breath. "How did you get here?"

"We were pulled through a wormhole eleven years ago. The ship was damaged, and we crashed on the moon shortly after," Mehta explained briefly.

"Perhaps it would be better to discuss this in person." Janeway observed. "We'll be in orbit in..." She glanced at Tuvok.

"Two and a half hours." He stated.

"...I'll beam down to your moon and we can discuss the... situation of you and your crew?"

Lieutenant Mehta beamed with what could be described as genuine relief. "I'll await your arrival. Mehta out."

Kathryn sat back in her seat, chin on hand, as she scanned the files before her. She had read the quick overview of the Starship Mercury. The Mercury was a small medical vessel that had been on a mission to Cassok Prime to help quell the epidemic of Righellian Measles before she disappeared mysteriously. Starfleet had assumed that the Mercury had been destroyed and had written the crew off as dead-- just like they probably have written us off as dead, Kathryn thought with a sigh. She turned her attention back to the other file she had downloaded-- Mehta's personnel file. Renhika Mehta, was, for lack of a better term, nothing short of a wash up in Starfleet. She was an unimpressive cadet, vaguely placed somewhere in the midst of the bottom half of her class, a year before Janeway's. She was commissioned three months before Janeway. She went on to serve onboard the Hood, then something happened... Kathryn read over this part with interest. Renhika abruptly transferred onto the Stanton, a significant step down from serving onboard the Hood. She continued to be transferred from ship to ship, never at one location for more than a year or so. At twenty nine, she had been serving in Starfleet for seven years, which finally called for her promotion to Lieutenant. She ended up onboard the Mercury-- a medical ship commanded by Lieutenant Commander Austin Forbes, the very bottom end of Starfleet short of Base 76 on Mirani Prime.

She was vaguely aware of the chime ringing. Kathryn lifted her heavy head up from her hand and called for the person to come in.

Chakotay, eyes weary, took a wary step in, hesitated slightly, then barreled all the way in. Kathryn steeled herself and leaned back in her chair, gazing cautiously up at him.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" she asked.

"We'll be arriving at the moon within the next half hour. Tuvok thought it would be best if your presence was on the bridge," Chakotay informed her. He seemed about to say something more, but hesitated. It was a sign Janeway took as good, indicating that he wasn't here to start an argument, or else he already would have done it. The hesitation showed that it must be a personal matter. She relaxed slightly.

"I can assume that that's not all you came to tell me, or else you'd have told me that over the comm," she gestured to the chair opposite to her. "Take a seat."

He relaxed slightly as well, sinking his large frame into the seat across from her. "I assume you're planning on leading the away team?"

Something about this statement set her on edge. Eyes narrowed slightly, her mind taking on an adversarial edge, she replied warily, "That's right. What of it?"

"Let me go instead," Chakotay said bluntly.

"Why?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay sighed, running a hand through his short cropped hair. "I have a really bad feeling about this whole Mercury business." He glanced at her expression. "I know it sounds absurd, but this is serious. I just know that something terrible is going to come out of this."

"So you want to go to... face this danger... instead of me?" Kathryn asked, softening up a bit. Then again, a voice in the back of her mind reminded her that he might just be using this as an excuse to go instead of her. Looking at his expression, though, slightly blanched with dark eyes shadowed with concern, his concern certainly seemed genuine... "Do you have anything to base this on other than a gut feeling? After all, it's not like we're about to engage a hostile enemy... These are Starfleet officers we're about to deal with."

Something to base it on? Yes, Chakotay thought. He remembered less than an hour earlier, how he had gone back to his quarters shortly after Mehta's hail... He remembered going on a vision quest, remembered seeing images... terrible images. Then one in particular, Kathryn... screaming. There was someone else too, someone he didn't recognize. A formidable figure cloaked in shadows, with fierce eyes and blood on his hands... And he was there with Kathryn the whole vision, his presence at her heels, growing closer and closer with each step she took. But could he actually mention this to her? He glanced into her blue eyes. So open to him... yet so closed at the same time.

"No," he replied earnestly. Nothing but his visions. He noticed her expression fog over, undoubtedly proceeding a polite dismissal of his suggestion.

"While I am touched by your concern, Commander," And she was... for sure. It was a great change from their usual sparring, "There really isn't much to warrant any alarm about this situation. After all, what could go wrong? Our people are down there." She studied his expression carefully. His eyes wavered slightly, and he grimaced. "If you'd like, I see no problem with you being a part of the away team."

His gaze flew back up to hers. "Tuvok won't have a problem with that?" Janeway shook her head dismissively. "He might... But we both outrank him, don't we?" She gave him a bit of a smile. "Does this prove satisfactory to you, Commander?"

He wanted to say no. His instinct screamed for him to keep her from going. He knew something terrible was going to happen to her. Instead, he nodded. "It's acceptable."

"That's good. Let's get on the bridge." Kathryn suggested. With a nod, Chakotay followed her out of the ready room.

Kathryn sat in the small, shanty shelter, fascinated, listening to the woman's story. Renhika described in vivid detail how the Federation starship Mercury accidentally entered an unstable wormhole. The ship's systems shut down and it crashed on the moon. The inhabitants had to make do with what they had and managed to build a life for themselves. Most of the crew had been killed on impact except for twelve of them. Four children had been born in the nine year period.

"And are you the highest ranking officer?" Janeway asked, staring over at the dark haired woman who had identified herself as Lieutenant Renhika Mehta. She was more attractive in person than on the view screen, but couldn't qualify as beautiful.

"Yes. Commander Xebo and Captain Larson were killed in the crash. And of course, my direct superior, Lieutenant Commander Cavin, died a little over a year ago." She sighed. "We've lost a lot of good people. The moon isn't exactly a hospitable place, but we've managed to make it our home."

Janeway cast a glance over at Commander Chakotay next to her in the briefing room. He was gazing rather intently at their guest.

"Do you know if this anomaly is still around?" Janeway asked, trying to keep from glancing at Chakotay to see if he was still staring at Mehta. She was rather surprised at her own jealousy. Why do you care, Kathryn? The man's been acting like a jerk lately. Still, it annoyed her to no end how Ms. Mehta would bat her very feminine lashes at Janeway's first officer. I'm just being paranoid. She assured herself.

"It was a highly unstable wormhole. I'd be surprised if it remained in this system any longer than a few hours," Mehta was saying. Janeway sat back with a frown.

Chakotay then spoke, "I see you've made quite a home for yourselves here. Is leaving with Voyager out of the question?"

She jumped on it. "You're offering to take us?" It must have been what she had been waiting for the whole conversation.

Kathryn seemed to be lost in thought enough to miss some of what was being said by Chakotay, but caught "--accompany us on the ship if you'd like." He was flashing Mehta an irresistible smile, the certain smile that he used to reserve for Janeway alone. Enough, Kathryn! Janeway thought to herself.

"Captain?" Janeway glanced down into Mehta's dark eyes as she stared up at Janeway, utterly innocent.

"Hmmm?" Janeway asked. She caught herself. "I'm sorry, what were you asking?"

"We need your authorization for the transfer, Captain," Chakotay said pointedly.

Janeway smiled to cover her train of thought. "Granted, naturally." To Mehta, "I would have invited you myself, if the Commander hadn't beaten me to it."

"Well then, it's settled!" Mehta slapped her hands on her lap as she stood up. "Thank you very much. While we have managed to make a life on that moon, it's hardly the place that I'd want to grow old on. I believe the others will agree with me." She shook both their hands, flashing Chakotay a white toothed smile and nodding to Janeway.

After they were back on the ship, Chakotay was the one who seemed lost in thought.

"Well, we have a lot of work ahead of us. We're going to have to work them all into the shift schedule," Janeway commented.

"Renhika's compiling the crew manifests for your review. You can determine the jobs once you get them," Chakotay said.

Janeway glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, then looked down to study a pile of data padds lying on her ready room desk. She tried to sound nonchalant as she commented, "Already on a first name basis, Commander?"

He glanced at her, his expression indefinable. "Perhaps." A beat passed. Then, "Lieutenant Mehta is an engineer. I'm sure B'Elanna and Seven could use the help in engineering."

"Maybe so." Janeway said. "But it still will be a bit difficult to work her in. And besides, there have been quite a few changes in starship design recently, even the last nine years."

"If you don't mind, Captain, I'd like to go back down to the surface to oversee things, meet the new crew," Chakotay said. Janeway nodded her consent. He abruptly left without another glance at her.

So, she's been in charge for the past year? Janeway thought, leaning back into her chair. She'd better be ready to take orders again.

Mehta laughed. Janeway couldn't help diverting her gaze over to the table where Mehta, B'Elanna, and Chakotay were sitting together. Briefly, her mind passed over a number of scenarios involving the three, some very suggestive, before she dismissed the thought. No, B'Elanna was more involved with Paris, and Kim at times. It was mainly Chakotay and Renhika flirting with one another. They could have some things going on between them, but then again, Janeway and Paris would flirt, and nothing came (or would ever come) of that. Janeway suddenly realized that Chakotay had caught her gaze and noticed she was staring. Fighting a blush, Janeway smiled and nodded to him, perfectly calm and collected: the cool, impassive Captain seen by the crew. Was it disappointment she saw flash across his face? She quickly dismissed it as he smiled and nodded coolly back.

It was normal now for them not to sit together. They had stopped eating together when it didn't involve ship's business.

She sighed and turned back to Tuvok. The Vulcan must have noticed her mood, for he raised a questioning eyebrow. Kathryn caught his gaze and told him with a look, 'Don't ask.' She rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted. She had found herself becoming increasingly tired earlier in the day, probably making up for the insomnia she'd previously been having. The crew rotations was starting to blur before her, and she dropped the padd onto the table and put her hands over her eyes, suppressing a yawn.

"I could not help observing that you appear to be fatigued." Kathryn smiled at her old friend, putting her hands back on the table.

"Your observation is quite correct, Mr. Tuvok."

"Perhaps then, we should continue this at another time," he noted. Janeway smiled at him.

"That sounds like a good idea." She stood up and began collecting the padds. "Good night, Tuvok."

"Have a pleasant evening, Captain," Tuvok replied, nodding to her. Janeway smiled one last time and walked out of the mess hall, fighting the temptation to look over back at Chakotay to see if he noticed her exit.

If she had seen him, she would have seen a man watching a red-haired woman exit, one oblivious to his presence, a mixture of regret and longing in his eyes.

Chakotay sighed and turned around in bed. He and Kathryn been arguing constantly. He had to admit, it was his fault as much as it was hers. However, arguing with her now was as natural as breathing. Over the years on Voyager, she had become his closest friend, with B'Elanna becoming more attached to Paris. When Kathryn started giving him the cold shoulder, he felt strangely alone. "Damn. Why does she have to be so competitive?" he said aloud, thinking back to the numerous times she had provoke arguments just for the sake of arguing.

It was one of the things that at attracted him to her. She was a challenge. That was it, initially. Soon, he found that he had much, much deeper feelings for her than he could ever possible imagine. But was it mutual? At times he believed it with all his heart, but it was ruined that day. She had stared at him with nearly tearing eyes and said, "Then I guess I am alone after all."

It wasn't the same after that. She never seemed to be as close to him. Kathryn even reverted back to calling him 'Commander'. Of course, he followed suit and began calling her 'Captain.'

Competition. That's what she saw him as. A conquest to achieve. It angered him. Every time they argued, she made it a personal goal to be the victor.

"I want a life," he murmured. That's what he'd always wanted. A wife, kids. He had begun to realize that as time passed that he'd never have a future with Kathryn. So, he tried to change himself. He tried to convince himself that he didn't need her, that he was happy as he was. If only his heart could believe him.

When Renhika came onboard, he even tried to see if Kathryn would have any reaction whatsoever to her.

When Kathryn had none, he realized that it was over. It was over before it had even begun.

He shut her out of his mind. Chakotay tried to forget about his feelings for her. She was his captain, nothing more. He developed his relationship with Renhika over the past month, even found himself falling in love with her. Or at least, it seemed like love.

Yes, she could be arrogant at times, but she was a strong woman. He had always been attracted to strong women. First Seska, Riley, and of course, Kathryn.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think about something else.

If he could just banish Kathryn from his thoughts...

He could banish her from his heart.

Janeway was sitting with B'Elanna at the bar in the holodeck. Around them, the crew was dressed in elegant 1920's gowns and tuxedos. When Paris approached behind them, Janeway grinned at him. "I have to say, Tom, you've outdone yourself this time."

He smirked. "Thank you, Captain. I have to say, I even impress myself."

"Shove it, Paris," B'Elanna muttered, but she had a playful gleam in her eyes. She was wearing a long, slim black dress, almost identical to the Captain's red one. They were tight and showed each and every curve. Paris discreetly feasted his eyes on both of them. This was an excellent idea, he thought.

He noticed the Captain's eyes casually scanning the room. She was probably looking for Tuvok, he reasoned. Her blue eyes stopped and her face froze. Paris followed her gaze, and saw Chakotay on the dance floor, slow dancing with Mehta. They both had their eyes closed and were dancing very quietly, oblivious to the faster paced music. It seemed like they were sharing a very intimate moment.

Kathryn quickly averted her gaze, lest she be caught staring. She smiled at Tom and B'Elanna. "I think I'll leave you two so you can get out there. Excuse me." She said, and turned around and left the pair.

Paris noticed her face still had the command mask, but her eyes were stricken.

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Kathryn was sitting in her quarters after she had left the party. It had been very entertaining, and she even had begun to enjoy herself as she mingled with crewmembers. The worst part of it all was that moment when she saw Chakotay and Renhika dancing together. They looked so at peace... so perfect for each other. It was actually a public acknowledgment that they had developed a relationship. Yes, it was over.

Kathryn had departed to the bar and had a few drinks of synthehol. At least, it was supposed to be synthehol. Now she seriously doubted it. It was just like Paris, to procure real alcohol. She felt giddy right after consuming the drinks, and accepted several invitations to dance by male crewmembers, not quite sure which ones. It was entertaining, and she even managed to forget about Chakotay and Mehta in her inebriated haze.

She hadn't even had enough to get most crewmembers drunk, but Kathryn only drunk alcohol every once in a while, so her tolerance was fairly low. Many of the male crewmembers who were normally shy and introverted came out of their shells and approached the unapproachable woman.

Janeway finally decided it was time to leave when one crewman had the audacity to slip his hand somewhere private during a dance. Kathryn bit back her rebuke, not wanting to cause a scene, then bushed away from him and mumbled that she had to call it a night. It took her about five minutes to get through the doors with all the people stopping her to say goodnight.

She yawned and sipped her coffee. Yes, she was exhausted. Kathryn was running some bathwater when her door chime rang. Who could that possibly be? She wondered. She walked over and keyed open the door, and was surprised to see Chakotay standing in front of her

"Chakotay!" He noticed that she had slipped up and used his first name. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh, can I come in?" He asked, glancing at the quarters behind her.

Janeway stared, uncomprehending for a moment; then she blinked and gestured to the inside. "Of course, come, come in. Excuse me for not asking." She let him in, the door closing behind him, "Find a seat, if you can-- excuse the mess. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you," he replied. But maybe you could use some. He remained standing, his arms crossed behind his back.

Janeway went ahead and sat down. Just what I need, she thought. The first time the man pays a visit to my quarters in months and I'm tipsy.

"So, what can I do for you, Commander?" She asked, sipping her coffee.

"It's not a matter of ship's business," Chakotay said, carefully watching her. He would have preferred to talk to her when she was sober, but he needed to know now.

Janeway considered, and then waved for him to continue.

"I think I like Renhika Mehta," He eyed her expression carefully, wishing he could think of some words that sounded less juvenile. "A lot."

Even in her drunken state, Janeway felt a cold wave pass through her and her face became impassive. She took another sip of her coffee before saying, "And you're telling this to me because...?"

"Because I need to know, Kathryn," he said, with more emotion in his voice than she'd heard in a long time. He took a cautious step forward. "I need to know about us."

"Us?"

"Yes, Us." Chakotay took a step forward and took one of her hands in his. "You know how I feel about you, Kathryn. Despite all that's happened, nothing's changed. I need to know if this is it."

"I'm not quite sure what you're asking me, Chakotay," she said. He hated the fact that she was keeping up her professional persona, even during a personal moment. Still, he was impressed that even half-drunk she was able to think clearly enough to keep him at arm's length.

"Do we have any chance? Any at all?"

Kathryn met his eyes, seeing in them the loyalty to her. For a moment, she was tempted to say yes. After all, it was her life, so why not? His expression conveyed to her that if there was a chance, he'd put of Mehta to wait for her to be ready, as long as it took, but he needed to know.

Kathryn considered the possibilities. Yes, she did love the man, but it just couldn't happen. Not as long as she was captain of Voyager and he was first officer.

At her hesitation, Chakotay drew in a breath. He had expected to be turned down immediately, alienated from her during these months of tension. He became almost dizzy with apprehension, and he stared at her, eyes pleading. He watched as she drew in a breath to reply, held it for a moment, then answered,

"No." It came out simply, but it was the hardest word she had ever spoken in her life. Command, duty, protocol, it all flashed in her head. She felt a heavy weight on her chest, realized that she had said what she had. All the possibilities for her future, kids, family, a husband, went drifting away, gone like the breeze, gone as quickly as the tenderness in Chakotay's eyes had. He once again had an impassive expression, all that needed to be said had been said.

"Good night, Captain," he said formally.

"Good night, Commander."

And then he was gone, out the door as quickly as he had come. Kathryn watched him leave with a heavy weight of regret on her chest. Yes, she knew the loneliness of command, more than ever at this very moment. The realization had never hit her so hard as it did now, and she staggered under its weight. All hopes for a regular future were gone, and in this state she walked into the bathroom and turned off the water. Kathryn lay down on her bed without taking off her uniform and stared up at the ceiling. Sleep didn't come easy that night.

Chakotay reached his quarters with an emptiness in his chest. So, she'd finally said it. Muttering one syllable and ending his hopes for a future with her.

He kicked himself for even asking her. He had known that she's say no, so why did he go?

He frowned and sank down into a chair, not looking at anything in particular. Chakotay tried to think of Mehta, but his mind was too tired to think of anything at the moment.

He closed his eyes. Tomorrow, it all starts from scratch. He'd worry about everything tomorrow. He was too exhausted tonight.

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Integrating the new crewmembers hadn't been difficult.

They simply fell in the places of the crewmembers that were no longer with them (in other words, dead.) Mehta took over Hogan's job. B'Elanna was kind at first, but eventually took quite a disliking to her, reporting that she was a "pain in the ass" who couldn't get along with anyone. Others in the department, such as Carey, described her as a "snotty bitch". Even Seven described her as possessing "unmitigated arrogance which effectively hinders efficiency." Janeway had to remind them, repeatedly, that they were talking about a fellow crewmember and were to show some respect.

Mehta had made some friends, though, through Chakotay. Janeway was somewhat relieved about that. She tried not to let her own biases about Mehta color her judgment. She was kind to Mehta at every opportunity, and Mehta was equally kind back. Somehow, though, Janeway began to believe that all the kindness was somewhat faux, but she didn't mention it to anybody.

They had been proceeding on course to the Alpha Quadrant. She had been having discussions with the various races they had encountered about the upcoming space. Apparently, they were about to encounter the Bromaline Order. Janeway had gathered as much information as she could about them, which wasn't much. They were as mysterious to the races that lived near their space as they were to Janeway.

According to the information she had procured, they were a very powerful race with isolated borders. They rarely allowed ships to enter their space, and trade was highly restrictive. The amount of space they possessed was enormous, with no way to travel around it. The only thing they could do was pass right through it, which would take about two years.

There were a number of star systems, all connected together by main planets, or "Gatekeeper Planets". She wasn't exactly sure what these Gatekeeper Planets were, but they were the most heavily populated systems. There was rarely a Bromalian population in a system that had no Gatekeeper planet.

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When they finally entered Bromalian space, they had a reception from a message beacon.

"Put it on screen, Mr. Tuvok." Janeway ordered, turning forward to face the view screen.

A woman appeared. She had iron cold eyes and thin lips that seemed to draw naturally into a frown. Tan-skinned, with long dark hair and fairly normal features, she looked almost human if it wasn't for the large swell which traveled from over one ear to passing across her forehead, where eyebrows would have been, to the area right over the other ear. She began to speak, obviously a general recorded message; she had a deep, strong voice.

"Alien vessel: You are now entering the space of the Bromalian Order. If you have a commerce pass, you may proceed upon the designated route. If not, you will proceed to these coordinates," the coordinates were transferred to the ship, "and you will apply for one. If these instructions are not followed specifically, you will be destroyed. Go to your destination immediately. This is Border Watch, out."

The image flickered out of existence.

"What a kind, compassionate, and caring woman she seemed to be," Paris remarked with a smirk, spinning in his seat to face Janeway.

"Orders, Captain?" Chakotay asked, glancing expectantly at Janeway.

"Well, we don't exactly want to get on their bad side, from what I've heard," Janeway said, walking back towards her command chair which she had recently vacated. She glanced up at Tuvok. "Proceed to the given coordinates."

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They reached a small, but busy planet in less than three minutes. Janeway ordered all stop, and they soon received another automated message. It was a person almost identical in appearance to the female only that it was a male. The only difference that Janeway could see were the wider features and more massive body.

"You have reached Itari VII. Wait until you receive docking instructions. Failure to comply with the given instructions will result in your immediate destruction. Out."

Janeway sighed and sat in her chair. She hated being at another person's mercy, having to follow their whims. But in any case, Voyager had no choice. "We're a touch paranoid, aren't we?" she breathed. Then louder, "Mr. Paris, follow their instructions."

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She soon found herself sitting at a desk across from a Bromalian official. He seemed impatient, checking a small device that Janeway guessed was a watch and listening to her tell her story with half her attention.

"I see. So, let me get this straight." He stood up and put his hands on the desk in front of him, leaning towards her. "You are from the other side of the universe--"

"Galaxy." Janeway interrupted. He did the Bromalian equivalent of rolling his eyes before he continued.

"You claim you are from the other side of the galaxy, and want to pass through our space, not for any reason other than to pass through our space. Is that correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"But nothing. Your pass is denied. You'll go back in the direction from which you came," he said, turning away.

"But wait a minute!" Janeway protested, circling around to face him. "Why not!"

"We wouldn't want to have someone running free in the middle of our space, if you know what I mean," he explained it to her as if he was talking to a small child.

"I have only one ship. You have a whole fleet!" As he spun his chair around to face away from her, she circled around to be in front of him again. "There isn't anything we could do to you."

"I assure you, it is not your tactical capabilities we fear. Your ship is quite small, your technology primitive." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Captain, but it's our policy. No one can pass through our space. The farthest we'll allow you to go, even with a pass, is Celtus, and that's only three light years away."

Janeway sighed. She listened as the man began to quote Bromalian regulations. She made a mental note to herself to talk to one or two other officials before she accepted his terms.

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Chakotay was in his quarters laying some vegetarian lasagna on the table. He glanced over at the chronometer. It was 1835 hours. He felt a bit apprehensive. It was his first real date he'd had with Renhika Mehta. At least, the first one they had ever had alone together. At the holodeck party, he had accompanied her, Lieutenant Meyers, and Ensign Crane. They had also had numerous group activities, but he'd never actually been completely alone with her outside of duty. In fact, he had only really had eyes for one person up until recently. Chakotay quickly decided not to think about her tonight. I'm going to have a good evening. To hell with everything else. Or everybody else.

The door chime to his quarters went off.

"Come in!" He called over his shoulder, lighting the candles he had on the table.

He heard the door slide open and her soft footsteps coming across the room. He could hear the smile in her voice as she drawled, "Candlelight dinner, Commander? How romantic!"

He turned towards her, and gasped at the spectacle before him.

"You look beautiful," he said, staring at her long, thin body with a skin tight gown that looked as if it was painted on. It reminded him vaguely of Seven of Nine's catsuit, only Mehta didn't have quite the... package Seven had.

"I'm not overdressed, am I?" She asked, and batted her eyes at him.

"No, no you aren't." He circled to the other side of the table and pulled out a chair for her. Renhika sat down eyeing the food on the table.

"Oh! I love lasagna! How did you know...?"

"Well, I didn't." Chakotay said, with a self-conscious smile. "It's just one of my best dishes." He sat down in the chair across from her.

"Well, I look forward to trying it," she said with a smile. There was an awkward silence. Finally, Chakotay broke it. "What do you think of the ship so far?"

Renhika glanced up. "Oh, it's fine, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Well," she paused, trying to think of the right words. "It's been quite a transition. I was in charge of our colony for over a year, not taking orders from anyone. And now, all of a sudden, I'm in a hierarchy again. It's kind of difficult, if you know what I mean?" She glanced into his eyes from across the table.

Chakotay's expression softened. "I know exactly what you mean. I was a Captain once."

She looked at him questioningly, and Chakotay told her the story of the Maquis, the Caretaker, encountering Voyager. As he spoke, the night passed and the awkwardness disappeared. Soon, they were laughing and joking like old friends. Chakotay couldn't see how anyone on the ship could not like her, as he got to know this amazing woman.. CENTER

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Meanwhile, Janeway sat in her ready room, frowning. She barely noticed when the chime rang, and didn't know that she had called for the person to enter until she had already done so.

Tuvok stood before her, staring at her with his hands folded behind his back. Janeway glanced up at him, knowing from his expression that he was trying to figure out what was going on inside her head.

"Yes, Mr. Tuvok?" She asked, moving her feet from the crossed position they had assumed, propped up on top of her desk, to the ground as she sat straight up in her chair.

"You have not emerged from this room since you first got back from Itari. May I presume that the negotiations did not go very well?"

Janeway laughed, frustrated. "No, Tuvok, they did not. In fact, they were abysmal. It seems the Bromalians have some sort of regulations. No ships, not even traders, can go past Celtus, which is not very far from here. The rest of the space is restricted."

"That is unfortunate."

"Unfortunate? It's ridiculous!" She stood up, frustrated. "They have at least a thousand different races within their own space, but they're all restricted to their own planets and under the Order's authority. So, basically, we're struck in a rut."

Tuvok considered for a moment. "We could go around."

"And add twenty years to our journey," Janeway noted with a frown.

"I am afraid I can see no logical alternative. The Bromalians have a very powerful fleet, and if we make an enemy of them, the odds of survival through their space are very slim."

Janeway nodded, still scowling. "I'm not prepared to turn around just because we've run into some paranoid SOB's." She stood up, glancing over at him. "From our long range sensors, how spread out are their ships?"

"They are more concentrated in the heavily populated areas. They do not seem to have very many in the more remote areas."

Janeway nodded. "I've been thinking that we might just have to risk going through."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "That would certainly draw on the Order's disapproval."

"Maybe so." Janeway said, standing up and leaning on her desk to face him. "It's a risk we're just going to have to take if they won't let us through. I'm not going to tell this crew that we're going to have to have twenty extra years to travel. We have a long enough trip ahead of us already."

"I see you have thought this through and are fairly certain of your decision." Janeway nodded.

"I'm going to talk to the senior staff about it. Schedule a senior staff meeting for 1600 tomorrow."

Tuvok nodded once before Janeway dismissed him with a gesture from her hand. He turned and left, while she sat back and contemplated exactly where they should go from here.

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Chakotay stood up with Renhika as she started to proceed over to the door.

"Thank you, I've had a lovely time," she was saying, lightly. "There aren't many people I can talk to on this ship."

Chakotay grinned. "If they knew you as well as I do, you would. Have a nice night, Renhika."

She smiled, her eyes once again staring up at his. They had paused right in front of the door. This would be a good time to kiss her. He thought. However, she took the decision out of his hands as she leaned over towards him. His hands slid naturally around her waist as he met her kiss. Her mouth opened, and her tongue met his. They were both enveloped in the passion of the kiss before she slowly pulled away.

"Good night Chakotay," she whispered, one hand caressing his face.

"Good night, Renhika."

She smiled at him and left.

Chakotay felt elated. It had been so long since he'd even kissed someone. Well, since Reiley, but that didn't really count. He hadn't been in control of himself.

He went over to the table and began clearing away dishes, his body warm and his heart beating hard. Yes, he'd have good dreams tonight.

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Chakotay woke up. He had dreams all right, but not like he expected. He didn't see Renhika in them. Instead, they were dominated by Kathryn.

He had been standing on a beach. She was on a boat, and it was floating out to sea, away from him. He yelled for her, reaching out, even diving in the raging water and swimming after her. She just got farther and farther away from him.

When a huge wave came and washed him ashore, there was Renhika, mocking him.

He woke up cold, chilled to the bone. He wasn't sure why. He had forgotten his dream as soon as he woke up. With a sigh, he sat up and checked the chronometer. It was 0320. Chakotay decided to go ahead and wake up early. He replicated some coffee and turned on the sonic shower. He was too awake to fall asleep again, but too tired to wake up completely.

Ah, well. It wouldn't affect him until later in the day.

He was exhausted. He was indeed affected by his lack of sleep. Chakotay wondered how Janeway dealt with her insomnia. She was talking, directing the staff meeting, as usual. Chakotay remembered reading somewhere that it was supposed to be the first officer who ran the meetings and the captain who sat and observed, but Janeway didn't seem to care. She not only did her job, but she did the jobs of half the other people on the ship. Of course, Seven of Nine seemed to be closing in on that area, so perhaps Kathryn wouldn't do everyone's job anymore.

He had been trying to focus on what was being said, but he couldn't seem to keep all his attention on the meeting. His mind kept drifting off. He made plans to sleep as soon as his shift was over.

His attention was piqued when Janeway mentioned forcing their way through the Bromaline Order's space. Chakotay listened to her reasoning and decided that she had thought it out well. The crew seemed to take it well. There was a pause as they waited for Chakotay to voice his objections as he did so often, but heard nothing. Half surprised at his cooperation, Janeway dismissed the senior staff.

"Commander, will you please wait a minute?" She called after him. Chakotay halted and turned back to face her.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"You seem awfully quiet and you look exhausted," Janeway said, sitting back in her chair, staring at him with a gaze that seemed to bear right into his soul.

"There's nothing wrong, Captain. I just didn't get very much sleep last night," He replied, oblivious to the surprise that registered on her face for a moment.

"I was planning on working a bit longer than usual tonight. If you want to end your shift early..." She didn't go on, not deeming it necessary. Chakotay smiled gratefully.

"Thanks. I think I'll do that," he said. "Am I dismissed?"

Janeway nodded her head, and he left. She sat there staring after him for a moment. 'I didn't get very much sleep last night.' Does that mean he and Mehta...? She didn't answer the question, feeling a strange numbness coming over her. She knew he'd been with her last night. She had no idea whether or not they had... the thought made everything in her come to a momentary stand-still. Almost shakily, Janeway got up and left the briefing room. She walked straight across the bridge to her ready room and replicated some coffee.

She inhaled the aroma, trying to take her mind off the many possibilities rolling around in her head. Stop it! She thought to herself. You've got no claim to him, remember? You lost anything that you might have had a few nights ago!

Therefore, Janeway took up the information on the Bromaline Order that Tuvok had obtained and tried to stop thinking the thoughts that crept into her head.

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Renhika frowned when the computer gave Chakotay's location. The briefing room. She knew the senior staff meeting was over because of B'Elanna's appearance in engineering. So why was he still there?

She asked the computer who was in the briefing room with him.

It was the Captain.

He has something for her, she thought. She had heard the crew mention it in passing, Paris's wagers with fellow crewmembers on whether or not they'd get involved with one another. She smiled privately. I haven't heard any of that lately. It was true. Ever since she had started dating Chakotay, the wagers had shifted to how long it would be until Janeway dumped her first officer out the nearest airlock.

Chakotay was hers. Renhika could tell it already. From the first day she had met him, she had been attracted to him. She knew he was the one for her. In all her life, no man had made her feel like he did. He made her feel cared about, a security she'd never had before. Oh, he was a good catch. She had been after him from day one, and now he was following suit, sitting up a little straighter, eyes a little brighter as she approached him. I'm not going to let that autocratic bitch take him away, not after how much I've put into this. Renhika knew that after a certain amount of time, he'd forget all about Janeway. He had to. Everyone she had seen before had eventually forgot the others they cared about. She would triumph.

It was only a matter of time.

TBC


	2. Part II

PART TWO

Chakotay and Renhika were locked in an embrace. This time, it didn't stop there. He found his hands moving over her body, and soon she was slipping off his uniform. He moved his hands to take off hers, but she stopped them and stepped back a few feet. Slowly and seductively, she peeled off her uniform piece by piece. He appreciated what he saw, and she certainly appreciated what she saw of him.

I wonder if Kathryn would... Chakotay cursed at himself for think about Janeway when he was about to have sex with another woman.

Renhika noticed his slip, because she felt a frown push at her lips. "What is it?" She asked, her voice husky and breathless.

"It's nothing. You're beautiful," He whispered, walking into the space right in front of her and covering her mouth with his. His kisses moved down her body, and she moaned as his lips molded over her heated flesh. She took him by the hands and eased him over to the bed.

Janeway sat with Tuvok working out their flight plan. They were going to encounter their first resistance soon, and she wanted to be ready. However, another thing was bothering her. It was 2352 hours, and Chakotay was still in Renhika's quarters, as he had been for the past half hour. So it's finally happening.

"Captain?" Tuvok broke her chain of thought.

"What is it, Tuvok?"

"You don't seem to have your full attention on what we are doing. Need I remind you that this is a very important item of business that we're working on, and it could determine whether or not we survive this space?"

"No, you don't, Tuvok." Janeway said, half defensive at what he was implying. "I'm perfectly aware of that. Let's get to work."

Renhika in ecstasy until Chakotay, with a final thrust, climaxed along with her. She heard him whisper a name, and it caused her to tense up and glare up at his face. "What did you just say?" She demanded.

Chakotay, panting besides her, stared up at her for a moment. "What?"

She rolled out from under him and stalked over to where her clothes lay. "You said ' Kathryn'." She began hastily to pull on a robe. Chakotay was chagrined, and quickly stumbled to his feet.

"Renhika..." He wasn't sure what to say. She spun on him angrily and sputtered,

"I will not be some sort of substitution for you! If you want to be with her, then go," she gestured helplessly towards the door, "and be with her, but don't involve me in some sort of dispute between you two."

"Renhika," he got up and took her by the shoulders, oblivious to the fact that he was naked. "Renhika, that's not what you are to me."

"Then what am I, Chakotay? What! A temporary concubine? I will not be that!"

"Renhika, I care about you," he said.

"But you care about her more, isn't that it?" He could tell her anger was starting to wear off. He released her and sat back onto the bed, taking part of the blanket to cover himself up.

"I don't care about her more than you. I love you, Renhika."

"And what about her?"

Chakotay stared for a minute at her. He'd never told anyone, although Kathryn knew. He had to be honest with her; she'd know he was lying if he denied it.

"Yes. Yes I do have... feelings for her. But I know now that it will never be anything beyond that. I couldn't seem to grasp the fact that we weren't meant to be. Up until a while ago, I thought that there was no one in this world for me outside of her." He stared imploringly into her eyes. "But that was before I met you. I don't think of her first thing when I wake up. I think of you. Your eyes, your beautiful face, your laugh... I love you, Renhika. Everything about you."

She looked at him for a moment, then sank into a chair across from him. How could a girl resist that? She thought to herself, wondering how the hell Janeway could have turned him down.

"How can I be sure I'm not just a distraction for you? For all I know, you could just be slick with words," she said, eyes serious, but a teasing lilt to her voice.

"If you want, I can show you," he said. She let her gazed wander down his body and noticed through the sheet that he was already getting hard again. You animal. She thought, licking her lips. Though she was still exhausted from the first round, that didn't mean she wasn't up for a second, and apparently, so was he.

Renhika smiled seductively. "I'll tell you what, Commander: I'll give you another try. She can be your captain on duty, as long as I remain your Captain off-duty." She walked over to him, moving the blanket away from him and slipping her robe back down to her feet. "Soon," she promised, running her hands over his bare chest. "Janeway will just be a memory. I can make you forget her." Renhika whispered as they drew together once again.

Chakotay didn't realize just how strongly she believed what she had just said. Mehta knew that she would make Kathryn Janeway a distant memory, one way or another.

* * *

Ragnar Mordus was slightly annoyed at having to travel all the way to the High Admiral's chambers from Elrak. He went to see the High Admiral Amaroth, and knelt before him.

"Mordus, rise. I need to discuss some matters of importance with you." Amaroth gestured to him. Mordus stood up, taking the padd in Amaroth's outstretched hand. "Take a good look at the person in that picture. Have you ever seen her before?"

Mordus shook his head silently, staring at the alien woman. She had light, almost blood colored hair. She had a strange color of eyes as well. Blue, a shade he didn't often see. He took in the image, then glanced back up at Amaroth.

"Who's this?" He asked, his voice echoing back to him. He had a deep, monotonous voice. It could be imposing, menacing, or it could have no emotion whatsoever. Occasionally, his voice could be comforting. But Mordus was never the touchy-feely type. That the reason that Amaroth had always loved him. He grew up with this monster before him, and it had caused him to put Mordus as his right hand man, even though Mordus never actually did anything concerning matters of state. He simply was a hunter of sorts.

"Your assignment," Amaroth replied.

"No name?" Mordus asked.

"We don't know the name. She went in representing her people to try to get a traveling pass. She's The Assignment until you learn otherwise. Have you heard of a ship called Voyager?"

Mordus glanced up. "Who hasn't?" It was the only thing he had to say. He had heard plenty. According to his sources, the ruling body had been arguing for the past five weeks about what to do with these people. His eyes found their way back down to the picture of the woman. He noted with interest that she had attractive features. A stubborn chin, balanced by an optimistic expression.

"Of course you've heard about Voyager. You and everybody else," Amaroth said. Mordus could her the bitterness in his voice. "They've been creating so much hype with their... insolence." He spat the last word out as if it burned his tongue.

"And why haven't they been apprehended yet?" Mordus asked, without looking up from the female.

"We can't seem to catch them." Amaroth said, sitting back in his chair. "She, their leader as far as we know, seems to change her approach to battle every time. Whenever we think we've got them figured out they manage to slip through our fingers."

"Unpredictable behavior in some people can be one of two things," Mordus said. "She could be brilliant, or she could be insane. I take it you want me to be the one to apprehend them. I'm a hunter, not a warrior."

"I know. You don't go after ships, you go after people," Amaroth said. "Of course I know that. We just want you to track her. If you can get her, extract some information about that ship, we're fairly certain the ship will go down as well."

"I'll get started immediately."

"I'm sure you will," Amaroth noted dryly. It might have been interpreted as sarcasm from anyone else, but Mordus knew Amaroth well enough. He was putting his confidence in Mordus. Mordus nodded briefly to Amaroth, then he left to find Vaila.

* * *

"I'd say that went pretty well." Janeway said with a smile, looking over the ship. For one week straight, they had constantly been bombarded by Bromalian ships. Voyager had held up. Bromalian ships were superior to Voyager, but Janeway managed to escape destruction all twelve attacks.

Chakotay was in awe. He'd never seen her so sharp as she had this past week. But then again, she'd never studied a race so meticulously in all the time he'd known her. He was proud of his crew and his captain. Janeway was brilliant, Torres was at her best, Paris was flying like he had a supernatural skill, and the entire crew functioned together like they had been with each other for decades. Yes, they were polished.

Currently, they were busy repairing all the damage done to the ship. Janeway waited as her command chair was once again securely fastened to the floor of the bridge. She sat down with a satisfied smile and looked over towards the view screen.

"Captain, the Argetti are hailing us again," Tuvok reported. Janeway had been in contact with them since before the fighting, trying to get them to trade with Voyager. The Argetti had finally agreed, and advised Janeway to 'keep it quiet.'

Janeway spoke with Prime Minister Yulin, and they agreed on a time to meet.

When she, Paris and Neelix arrived on the Argetti homeworld, they were greeted by a few officials and Yulin himself.

"Captain, I must say, I have heard a great deal about you!" He exclaimed, taking her by the elbow as they began to walk towards the building where the negotiations were to be held. "I find it quite amazing to be face to face with the person who defied the order."

"It wasn't my decision alone, and we didn't have much of a choice," Janeway said. "If we could have taken a diplomatic approach, we would have."

"There's no need to defend your actions. I'm not accusing you of any wrong doing!" Yulin exclaimed. "Ask anyone here. You are an inspiration and a hero to us all. It's incredible that you have the courage and strength to go against such an awesome opponent. The Order hasn't had any resistance in centuries! Why, I've even been hearing word that resistance groups have started forming."

Janeway glanced in surprise over at Tom, then looked back at Yulin. "I wasn't aware that we had caused such an uproar. Surely from time to time ships..."

"Yes, but alas, they usually don't survive the initial encounters. Twelve of them! Your people are lucky to have so cunning a leader." Janeway flushed under the praise.

"I really didn't do much, it was all--"

"One thing I despise in people," He whispered, a glint of humor in his eyes as he spoke, "is modesty."

Relieved that he had a bit of a sense of humor, Kathryn smirked. "Well then, you certainly won't despise me. I regard modesty as the most overrated virtue."

He chuckled. "Please, let's go a begin our talks. Then I'll give you a tour of the countryside." Janeway nodded and they entered the building.

A few weeks later, Janeway was once again facing a foreign diplomat; he, too, gushed about how amazing it was that they were defying the Bromaline Order. He even mentioned how one of the Order's supply ships had been blown up by a newly formed resistance group a few days earlier.

"It's quite a breakthrough. We're seeing the beginning of a new age!" he exulted.

The next planet at which they stopped had a leader who wasn't so optimistic

"They'll crush them within a year, at the very most," he said confidentially to Janeway. "No one can escape the Order."

"I'm not quite sure why everyone is so afraid of them. They haven't seemed that powerful from the encounters we've had, or half as ruthless as people make them out to be," she said. "And besides, I don't see how they could keep control over such a vast empire for so long. It would take years to move troops across space."

"Maybe. They used to be far less relaxed than they are now." He sat down and offered her a seat. "However, they'll soon revert back to their old brutality. You see, as long as they have the Gatekeeper Planets, there's no hope of resistance."

Janeway arched an eyebrow. "I've actually been wondering for a while what Gatekeeper Planets are."

"They're the planets with the Gateways," he said. At her blank look, he elaborated, "Gateways interlink the planets together. The Bromaline are descendants from an ancient people, very advanced-- Icarians, or something of the sort. The Order found a number of portals on a number of different planets spread throughout a wide region of space. They can move troops and supplies through the Gateways as easily as you walk through a door."

"Could we use it to get ho--" she began, but he anticipated her question.

"It wouldn't work. It only transports small items at a time. There's no way you could fly a ship through them, nor will a transporter beam through to the other side. It only moves individuals, and only to planets that already have gateways."

"And how spread out are these Gatekeeper Planets?"

"They're the main ports that spread all throughout the Order's space. If there are no gateways, there are no Bromalians. It's as simple as that." He paused for a moment. "They all tend to be near one another, although there's one that I hear is very far away, about 40,000 light years from here, towards the edge of the galaxy. It's called Axarus. It's a prison facility, I believe. But it's the only one out there."

Janeway nodded. She realized that he had finished speaking about the Order, so she stood up. "Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you, Ardrek."

He made a gesture with his hands, some sort of goodbye. "I wish you good luck on your journey. You, Captain, certainly will need it."

* * *

Yulin had no warning. He was half asleep in the main bedchamber of his capitol, and then he was pinned down on the floor with a gun to his head.

A dark haired Bromalian woman circled around to stand right in front of him, then swung her leg back and kicked him in the neck, hard. He cried out, then felt himself lifted back up and thrown through a glass window in his room. He was grabbed again and spun around, his back against the hard surface of a wall. He was being held in place by a large Bromalian soldier, and the woman was now joined by a large, long-haired man.

"Minister Yulin, you will answer these questions honestly and you will live. Answer them dishonestly, and you will die-- by the authorization of sub-index 6-1-0, Order Code 418. Is that clear?" The woman asked, her voice cold and harsh. Yulin nodded, terrified. The man stood in the back ground, dispassionately watching as the woman did her work.

"You have held negotiations with a starship called Voyager, correct?" Yulin was as nervous as hell, and when he was nervous, he could never resist the opportunity to crack corny jokes.

"I've never actually held negotiations with starships. People, yes, but I don't recall the ship..." He faded off.

The woman wasn't amused. She glared at him pointedly, then reached in the back of her belt and produced a knife. She walked up to Yulin and stuck it right in his groin. "Minister, would immense pain in the place of your manhood loosen your tongue? Shall we see?" Yulin balked at this grisly thought.

"Yes, I did have talks with them a few months ago!" He told her. He was not a brave man, and he wasn't about to sacrifice his manhood for false heroics.

"You are willing to provide us with all the information we ask?" The woman asked. Yulin nodded, eager to get her to move the knife hovering oh so threateningly over his manhood.

The woman nodded to the guard, who released Yulin. She lowered her knife and Yulin composed himself the best he could. The third man lumbered slowly forward, his dark, suspicious eyes raking over Yulin's face. A cold smile twisted over his lips.

In a cold voice, the man intoned, "I have a few questions for you..."

* * *

"You handled yourself well back there," Mordus commented as they left. Vaila Hath'Hart glanced over at him in surprise, but was grateful for the complement. Coming from Mordus, any word of rare praise was a stunning accomplishment.

"Why thank you, Ragnar. I must say, you were quite thorough." She smiled coquettishly, wondering where they were going this time. He noticed her eyeing him, and have her a thin, close-lipped smile. Oh, for once I'd like to see you grin, she thought to herself.

"I've been compiling all the data we've received so far. The assignment is called Captain Kathryn Janeway. The late Minister Yulin did mention that Voyager had probably gone on to Arthros VI, seeing as that's where he recommended they go for a resupply of dilithium." Vaila nodded, taking this all in. She knew that Mordus was already forming an impression of Janeway. He was the best she'd ever known at doing that kind of thing. She had seen him once figure out a man's entire psyche from his sister-in-law's diary.

"Arthros VI is near Thara-Fei. We can take the Celtus Gateway to Thara-Fei and it will only take a week to get to Arthros," she said. She glanced at Mordus, who was frowning down at the information. "We'll catch up with them soon enough. They us primitive methods of long-distance travel."

Mordus nodded. He once again fell into silence as he read the data he had compiled. Vaila took the time to run her eyes over him. His looks always amazed her. For such a quiet, introverted man he was extremely handsome. He had long, black hair that was tied in a ponytail behind him. It ran all the way down his back. He was at least six foot five, and he had not an ounce of fat on his well-muscled body. He had dark opaque eyes, and finely chiseled features.

Of course, Vaila had worked with handsome men before. Some were far better looking than Mordus, but she'd never met someone quite like him. After twenty-three years of working with him, she still didn't know very much about him. He was very secretive and remote, keeping his emotions to himself. When he became interested in something, he'd become obsessive. A few years earlier, he had acquired an interest for Brexian cuisine. He had read thousands of books about it, and to this very day he never ate anything that wasn't Brexian. He had read all 72,000,000 megabytes of stored information on Brexian cooking, and he was a better cook than the Brexian professionals. Vaila loved it when he invited her to try some of his cooking. She had already deemed it the best food she had ever tasted.

His intensity was startling at times, even frightening. But she was sure he'd be the best lover she'd ever had. Hath'Hart knew enough about him to fear him in some ways, love in him in others. Love. I would never have known it would happen when I first met him, she thought to herself. She had been working to woo him out of his reclusive shell for awhile now, and was beginning to think she was making progress at breaking through to him.

"Hath'Hart," Mordus spoke up suddenly, turning to her. "I've actually been thinking..."

"About what?" Vaila asked, pushing a lock of short dark hair out of her face.

"About when we're done with this one," he said, waving the information he had about Voyager. "We'll both have about two months free, so... maybe we could go to Pentarus. I've heard a lot of good things about it." He stopped, then glanced at her to finish the sentence.

"Why, Ragnar, I'd love to." Vaila replied, surprised yet elated. Yes, she had made a lot of progress. It was the longest string of words she'd ever heard him utter. It was also the first time he'd actually taken the initiative.

He smiled, his expression indecipherable, and turned to continue walking. Vaila glanced briefly over towards him. _Once we're done with this, then we'll see._

* * *

Janeway and crew were proceeding as usual. They had stopped at yet another planet, Talkuba Prime, when she first heard of Mordus.

"Who's after us?" She asked, not quite sure of what she was hearing.

"Ragnar Mordus, Amaroth's right hand man, although he doesn't do any of his duties. He's known as a bounty hunter of sorts, and he goes after individuals, not vessels. In this case, he's after you."

"Just me?" Janeway asked, slightly comforted in the fact that they were more concentrated on her than they were on her ship.

"Mordus's very well known around here," Taurtha said with a sigh. "He hunts people, not ships."

"And you know this because...?"

"I have my sources," Taurtha replied briefly. She glanced Janeway straight in the eye. "I would advise you to proceed with extra caution; Mordus is a dangerous man. He is the most notorious bounty hunter in this quadrant. He never fails to catch his prey."

* * *

As soon as Janeway got back to the ship, she consulted with Chakotay and Tuvok to implement a new command code. It would be known to Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok alone as a security measure. If one of them ended up in enemy hands, then the other two would combine their codes to cancel out all of the third person's command codes. Janeway knew that if the Bromalians got their hands on the command codes, the ship would be theirs without a fight. She wasn't going to let that happen. No matter what happened, Voyager would be ready for them.

Renhika frowned, sitting in her quarters, seething in anger. Chakotay was nearly ten minutes late. He was never late.

But that wasn't all that was bothering her.

When she had called upon his location, the computer stated that he was in Janeway's ready room. "What could they be doing in there?" she wondered out loud. He had been in there for nearly an hour. An image of two hot and sweaty bodies tangled together on top of a desk rushed through her mind and she began to feel sick. "That bitch!" She murmured. "She can't have him. She can't! I bet she just wants to--" She stopped speaking abruptly, clenching her fists until her knuckles were white. I shouldn't be this worried. It isn't healthy. Why can't I trust him? Then Janeway's face flashed through her thoughts, and her fears rushed back to her.

Her musings were interrupted by a door chime. She jumped up and was at the door in half a second's time.

"What took you so long?" She demanded immediately upon letting Chakotay in.

"It's nice to see you too." Chakotay said. He was somewhat upset about what the captain had relayed to him. The fact that there was someone hunting her... He tried to forget about that, leaving his worries for another day. "The Captain, Tuvok and I were working on a few new security measures," Chakotay told her. He bent to kiss her, but she jerked out of his embrace.

"You could have told me. I've been waiting all this time!" She said angrily.

"I had no idea it would run so long. Besides, I'm only, what, ten minutes late?"

"Fifteen." Renhika stared into his dark eyes momentarily before she quickly forgave him. He was telling the truth. It wasn't his fault. It was Hers. Janeway was probably in on it with Tuvok. She wanted him bad enough to turn the whole crew against Renhika. That's why no one would talk to her.

"It's okay," she smiled suddenly. "I needed a little more time to finish cooking anyway." Renhika led him over to the table where two glasses of champagne sat.

Two hours later, they lay together, tired after making love. Renhika studied his profile from where she was lying besides him. He glanced over at her with a disarming smile, and he leaned over and covered her lips with his. She met his kiss, feeling his erection growing once again against her. He's really into it tonight, she thought. She'd never had a lover in her life that could go on as long as he could. She wrapped her hand around it to encourage it. She stroked it and he moaned into her mouth. Renhika abruptly broke the kiss, but she kept her hand where it was.

"Chakotay, do you love me?" she whispered.

"More than anything." He moaned as she quickened her strokes.

"More than Janeway?" She asked after a few seconds. She felt his whole body stiffen, and his erection noticeably lost its hardness.

His eyes slipped to hers. "Why are you so fixated on her? We have nothing but friendship, if you can even call it that."

She stared at him. "I can still see it in your eyes. You still love her more than me."

"You're imagining things," he replied brusquely. Chakotay ran a hand up her arm. "Let's just forget about everyone but Us for a while."

"Who do you make love to when you're with me?" She asked, pulling a bit farther away from him. "Is it me or her?" With a sigh, he abruptly got up and pulled his clothes on.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

He turned towards her. "Renhika, she's my friend. That's all she is. If we can't get close without bringing her up, then I don't know what's going to happen to us. Good night, Renhika." He pulled on his boots and left her quarters.

Renhika was stunned. She reached up a fist and pounded it against the wall behind her. Her rational side told her to just drop the Janeway issue, but her emotional side got the better of her. Damn that bitch! That bitch! He's never going to truly be with me as long as she's around! She thought angrily. She sighed and lay back into the bed with her resentment.

* * *

"We have them on sensors, Prelor," A helmsman reported to Prelor Thaht. Thaht turned to Mordus.

"Well, that's your ship," he said. Mordus leaned forward to see the small, delicate little ship floating across the view screen. Small, sleek-- it didn't look very powerful, but looks can be deceiving.

"Take us within their sensor range." Mordus ordered.

They were almost at Valcrine when Tuvok reported the Bromalian ships. They had managed to elude sensors until the last minute, and now they had surrounded Voyager.

Janeway frowned and stared at the view screen. "How many, Tuvok?"

"There are twelve ships. Six of them are in between us and Valcrine, and six our blocking our exit." Tuvok replied.

Janeway sat down in her command chair, trying to think of a way out of this one. They had taken on twelve ships over the course of a week. Twelve ships at once? No chance.

* * *

"Signal for their surrender," Mordus ordered. Hell, might as well take the whole ship while they're here. He thought. He had intended to get his assignment alone, but the High Admiral had insisted that if he got the opportunity to capture the ship, he should take it. He would also triple Mordus's pay. Even though Mordus didn't go after ships, this was an ample opportunity to try.

The message came back audio only, a throaty, feminine voice, asking to discuss terms.

"No terms," Mordus replied sharply. "We demand full and immediate surrender of you, your ship and her crew. You will comply or you will die."

The audio comm link was cut off from the other side.

* * *

"I'm open to suggestions, anyone?" Janeway asked, looking around the gloomy, darkened bridge. They were outnumbered, outgunned, and didn't seem to have much of a chance against the Bromalians. Silence was her only response. She sighed. "All right, Mr. Kim, locate the lead ship." Harry did as he was told, and Janeway began to feel an idea edge into her mind.

"Tuvok, prepare four probes."

* * *

"They're going to warp, sir." One of the officers reported to Mordus. Mordus glanced briefly at Vaila. "What course?"

"Straight towards us." The man replied. "Warp one and increasing. Impact will be in twenty seconds. Shall we move?"

Mordus shook his head, staring at the viewscreeen where the ship was closing in on them. "Tell all the ships to open fire." Even when you knew where a ship was going, it was extremely difficult to hit a ship at warp, so Voyager wasn't slowed down in the least.

"Ten... nine... eight... seven... six..." the computer counted down. Would she really do it? He wondered. Amaroth had noted her unpredictable personality. Insanity or brilliance. Was she insane, or was she brilliant? This was one bluff he wouldn't call.

Mordus ordered evasive maneuvers. The ship lurched, and Voyager zoomed past, disappearing from the view screen.

"Take us about!" He ordered, "and lay in a pursuit course."

The people about him scrambled to comply with his orders. One of his troops did a double take of his panel.

"Sir, they've disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"I can't read it anywhere. We've picked up four different warp signatures forking off from where Voyager was, but we can't determine which one is which."

"We'll split up," Mordus said. "Three ships to each signature. Maximum warp."

When Mordus's ship caught up to the warp signature, six hours later, they found a probe. All of the other warp signatures were probes as well. He was puzzled over what happened to Voyager until Vaila answered the question for him as she studied the sensor read outs.

"Voyager passed us, launched the probes, reached a small moon, dropped out of warp, then circled back around it, hidden from our sensors while they were going around, then went on to Valcrine."

Ragnar read the sensor readings, then let a faint chuckle escape his lips. It soon grew into a full laugh at the cunning of his enemy. Vaila eyed him warily. She had longed for a day when she could hear and see him laugh, but somehow, this laughter didn't have a pleasant ring to it.

* * *

After that, Mordus began to work like a madman. He spend day and night compiling data, reading psyche profiles of people with similar characteristics to Janeway, and tried to figure out what course Voyager would set next. He got very little sleep and ate even less. Vaila watched him with growing concern as she cajoled him to take care of himself. He had begun to revert back to his former self. He was quieter, more moody, more introverted. She had started to believe that he felt something for her as well, but now it seemed to reverse itself.

Mordus, on the other hand, felt much better than he usually did. More alive. His research gave him something to focus his mind on; he had a clear goal: to capture the game. He was a hunter, and this was his sport, his passion. That was his first objective. He'd worry about the rest of it later.

A new sort of longing filled him. He had been through periods like this before in his life when he had sought to learn about something. He had researched and studied and had learned all that he could until he felt a sense of completion, of conquest, but he had never had that feeling towards a person; it was usually directed towards a hobby or interest of some kind. Now, he still felt he had something to get to in this case. He wasn't quite sure when his fascination would end.

Would it be after she had been captured? After the Bureau had stripped all useful information from her and decided to do away with her? After the newly formed resistance movements had seen their 'figure head' broken? He didn't know. He'd just have to wait and see.

Vaila simply noticed that Mordus was becoming more and more fixated on Janeway every day, and it was finally beginning to scare her.

* * *

A very similar thing was going on the very ship he was seeking. This person was a woman named Renhika Mehta. She was monitoring Chakotay night and day and she still couldn't get over the feeling that he was cheating on her. Every time he shared a laugh or touch with a fellow crewmember (especially Janeway), an overwhelming sense of paranoia and jealousy would fill her. She couldn't even control her own emotions now. A part of her was afraid of the sudden change within her psyche, but that one voice of alarm was drowned out by the overwhelming urgency to protect Chakotay from the other women.

After their spat, she made sure not to mention any of it to Chakotay. If Chakotay, the innocent that he was, knew how much she was dwelling on this, he'd be alarmed and probably leave her. She wouldn't let this happen.

She herself had started to get more and more alarmed with the crew's attitude towards her. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, because she knew Janeway was working with Tuvok to keep Chakotay from her; in fact, she knew that the entire crew was secretly against the pairing. To remain inconspicuous, Renhika reverted back to the sweet, care-free crewmate she had been when she first came to the ship. Even

B'Elanna reported to Janeway that Mehta was becoming tolerable. Janeway was glad to hear about Renhika's adjustment to crew life. Her mild jealousy had died down to an acceptance, and she and Chakotay were, quite frankly, better friends now than they had been in a long time. The arguments had died down to a minimum, and they even occasionally had breakfast together. Dinner was never an option because Chakotay was tied up with Renhika around that time.

But still, Janeway couldn't help thinking that Renhika had some sort of hostile undertone to her. When she and Chakotay would pass Janeway, a friendly greeting from Renhika would hold a bit of a challenge. Her eyes would be glazed over and her voice had an edge to it. Janeway tried to make Renhika feel that she had nothing to fear from her, she even spoke to her on social occasions and sometimes invited her, but the other woman still seemed paranoid.

Renhika was an attractive woman. They were the same age, and Renhika would probably be about the same rank as Janeway if she hadn't been stranded for nine years. Janeway didn't have anything to confirm her suspicions until another one of Paris's holodeck excursions.

This time, they were on late twentieth-century Earth. It was some sort of nightclub in New York City, and not nearly as entertaining as the last party.

Kathryn carefully avoided any alcoholic beverages, whether Paris claimed it was synthehol or not, and settled for punch. She drank about two glasses and then decided not to drink any more, reasoning that it was probably spiked as well. She could tell by the way her eye muscles seemed to be functioning differently.

She was about to leave the bar when Renhika Mehta came up, alone, for her sixth beer. She seemed clearly relieved to see Janeway. Chakotay was delayed, and Janeway's presence meant that Chakotay wasn't with her.

Kathryn nodded her greeting and began to walk away past her. Renhika then said something. It was droned out by the music, so Renhika grabbed her by the arm and directed her to the outside where she could be heard.

"You know, Captain," she said, clearly inebriated, "if you think this can continue forever, then you're wrong."

"Lieutenant?" Janeway asked, puzzled.

"You know what I'm talking about! Don't even pretend you don't understand!" Renhika said angrily, her words slurred by the alcohol. "I saw you two on the planet today!" Janeway knew who she was talking about immediately, and remembered earlier when she and Chakotay were with Overlai, the Prime Minister of T'Kala Prime. It had been nothing but business, but she had noticed Renhika watching them the whole time.

"Are you implying something, Lieutenant?" She asked quietly.

"You want him, but he's mine! Mine!" Mehta's voice had risen to a yell. "Keep away from him!"

Janeway snapped into a professional manner. "Lieutenant Mehta, I assume you're referring to Commander Chakotay." Renhika opened her mouth to speak angrily again, but Janeway spoke first. "I am well aware of your relationship with him, and I have no interest in intervening,. And as for keeping away from him, Commander Chakotay is my first officer and a member of this crew, and it's none of your goddamn business whether or not I go near him. Is that understood?"

Renhika was half stunned, trying to hear Janeway over the buzzing in her ears. She had never heard the Captain speak so harshly to anyone, and it shocked her. "Understood," She muttered. What the hell was I thinking? She wondered. No, I wasn't thinking. That's why I did it.

"Now, if you'll excuse me." Janeway simply brushed her off and proceeded back into the party. She felt a slight surge of triumph when she put Mehta in her place. No, the woman had no right to speak to her like that, but she had to take in the fact that she was drunk. Janeway certainly remembered some very dumb things she'd done when she was drunk. But still, something about that confrontation had unnerved her. Mehta couldn't seem to let go of the fact that she and Chakotay were good friends and nothing more... She shook it off, deciding not to let her worries ruin her night. So she proceeded to leave the party like she had originally planned, unaware of two eyes burning holes in the back of her head.

* * *

Chakotay didn't like the fact that the Bromalians had been able to predict that Voyager was going to Valcrine. As it seemed, neither did Janeway. She ordered them to take extra precautions when planeside: not to give any unnecessary information or tell anyone where they were heading next.

Enn Traal, the leader of a small colony they recently had traded with, gave her a few suggestions about where to go next. The senior staff had narrowed it down to two different planets. Either Calruba-Scerne, or Alderragon. Alderragon had more supplies and a larger population. However, Janeway didn't like the fact that Mordus seemed to be learning so much about her decision making process.

"The sensible place to go would be Alderragon." Janeway observed. "So I believe we should set a course for Calruba-Scerne."

Chakotay nodded his agreement. He was as worried about this as she was. Maybe more so. He wasn't just worried about the ship, he was worried about her. Why shouldn't he be? There was a merciless killer after her. He watched her run the meeting. Yes, he was as worried as hell about her, but her collected manner gave him confidence. She would come out all right. No matter what the outcome, no one would get Kathryn Janeway without a fight. They'd have to fight her until the end, and before that, fight him until the end.

He knew she could take care of herself, but he still felt the need to stay by her side. He would never let anything happen to her. Even if she was just a friend now, he still cared deeply about her. And he knew it was mutual. But he had dealt with his feelings a long time ago (or so he thought,) so he watched his friend run the ship in peace.

Mehta was looking at Chakotay who was looking at Janeway who had occasional blushing glances at Chakotay, then both the commanding officers looked away in embarrassment.

They were at the Second Annual Talent Night. Mehta was paying more attention to the man next to her than she was on Lieutenant Carey's jig.

Chakotay and Janeway were hardly paying any attention either. Chakotay felt half ashamed to be sitting next to Renhika and thinking of Janeway, but he couldn't help remembering what happened earlier today.

The crew was on shore leave on a deserted planet. It was the first shore leave they'd had in nearly six months, and it was only a day long excursion. They had to make haste to be out of there by the time the Bromalians reached the planet.

The place was beautiful, full of forests and meadows and mountains. It reminded him of New Earth. It was purely by coincidence that he ran into Kathryn. They began a casual conversation like always.

"Does this place remind you of somewhere?" He asked her. Janeway met his eyes and smiled.

"New Earth?" She asked, and he nodded. "Yes, it reminded me of that, too." Kathryn's smile soon faded and she sank down to the grass and closed her eyes, exhaustion sweeping over her face.

"Something wrong?" He was down besides her in just an instant.

She hesitated for a moment before answering, "I never thought, when we first were stranded, that I'd miss it once I left," she murmured. "Life was so simple there. It was just you and I, no command decisions, no crew to watch over, no danger." Without knowing it, Chaktoay brushed a strand of hair off her cheek. He had meant to move his hand again, but instead it remained there, caressing her. Her eyes were still closed. He had expected her to pull away, but instead she leaned her head into his hand, cherishing the touch. Chakotay could tell that all this Bromaline Order and Mordus business had taken its toll on her, but he hadn't known until this very moment just how much, not noticed how much weight she had lost or the dark shadows under her eyes from lack of sleep. He had been trying so hard not to think about her that he had never noticed any of this.

"What's wrong, Kathryn?" Her eyes opened upon the use of her name.

"Christ, Chakotay, how much longer can we keep it up?" She asked, her weariness evident in her eyes and haggard expression. "Mordus gets closer and closer to us every day, we have to speed through negotiations because we're afraid he'll arrive before we leave, and we've begun to find fewer and fewer people willing to trade with us. We can't go back, and I don't know how much longer we can continue on. I don't know how much longer I can continue on."

"Kathryn," he said, taking her hand. "We'll make it through this. I promise you. Whatever happens, I'm here for you. You will lead us on; I have no doubt about it."

She gazed into his eyes for a long moment, then a smile crept across her lips. Before Chakotay was exactly sure what was happening, his lips were pressed against hers. At first, she was unresponsive. Then, her lips softened against his, and he found himself gently parting them as his tongue pushed into her warm mouth. Her arms were around him, her hand on the back of his head, in his short cropped hair. It was pure ecstasy, for the moment. When they both realized what they were doing, they pulled away.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," she whispered.

"No, it's my fault," he said, then gave her a sheepish grin. "If Renhika finds out, she'll kill me."

Upon mention of Renhika's name, a flush crept into Janeway's cheeks. "You really care about her, don't you?" She asked.

Chakotay glanced at her. There was no jealousy evident in her expression or voice, just a sort of wondering. "Yes. Yes I do." He replied. Janeway glanced away, eyes distant.

"What is it?" He asked.

Janeway glanced over at him. "I don't want to offend you..."

"It's all right. I won't get mad," he assured her, promising himself that he wouldn't get into a fight with her when she was already so vulnerable.

She sighed and said, "Chakotay, there's something about her that... bothers me."

"And what's that?" Chakotay asked, becoming wary.

"During Paris's last holodeck excursion, she came up to me drunk and accused me of trying to steal you away from her," Janeway said. "Not only that, but the woman has a bad attitude, Chakotay. She has no respect for her superior officers and seems to think she deserves some kind of special treatment."

"She's been stuck out her for nine years," Chakotay snapped. "I think she does deserve some special treatment. It's just overwhelming for her being in a place with more than ten other people."

"Chakotay--" Janeway began, but he wouldn't hear it.

"I cannot believe you!" He stood up, forgetting his promise to himself. "You can't seem to give her a chance! You let your own biases get in the way of your judgment of her!"

Janeway was now on her feet as well. "How can you defend her! If you see nothing wrong with her behavior, then by god, you must be blind! She can't relate to other people and she watches you like a hawk! It's like she thinks that everyone is out to separate the two of you!"

"Oh really?" Chakotay asked, eyes blazing. "Maybe she has cause to."

"What are you talking about?" Janeway demanded, incredulously.

Chakotay opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. "You know what? It's not even worth explaining. I think you know well enough."

Janeway was now furious as well. "Listen to me, Commander," she hissed, not caring what effect her words had on him at this point. She was out for blood. "I don't care enough about you to be jealous, and if that's what you're suggesting, then you're more of a self-deluded bastard than I thought!" And with those words, she turned away from him and stormed off, in blind fury.

He was stung and disgusted as well, and stalked off in the opposite direction, both of them forgetting the tender moment that had passed between them just seconds before.

* * *

And now, she was sitting a few seats down from him, next to Tuvok, eyes on the stage, even though he knew her concentration wasn't on the show. She was tense, as was he, but there was something more than that. The same exhaustion he had seen earlier today was even more apparent to him, but she was trying her best to hide it behind a mask of casual indifference.

Chakotay sighed aloud, prompting Renhika's curious stare. He smiled reassuringly at her, and he began to feel guilty about their argument. He shouldn't have even brought up the subject of Renhika when she was in the state she was in. But still, even with his guilt, his anger lingered. What right did Kathryn have, after she refused him, to be jealous over Renhika? Because he knew Janeway too well to know that she wasn't jealous.

Kathryn felt his eyes on her again, and she tried to keep her cheeks from coloring. She knew her last remark during their argument was a low blow, but she had been furious. Partly, because he was being so damn stubborn, and partly because he was so very close to the truth. Kathryn was jealous of Renhika, no matter how much she told herself that she had accepted their relationship. But there was no denying the fact that Mehta was a control-freak when it came to Chakotay.

She sighed and turned her attention back to Crewman Nabusha Tondor who was demonstrating a dance form from ancient Africa. The moves were all graceful and fluent, and Kathryn found herself soon mesmerized by the dancing. It was the last act of the show, and Kathryn could tell why it had been saved for last.

Nabusha finished her dance and Janeway joined in on the applause. She knew that she had to wait for the rest of the performers to come out again for another bow, and then, as a duty of the captain, go and talk to the performers, congratulating them all for their performance. When the time came, she wearily dragged herself out of her seat. She was tired, both physically and mentally. Each step felt like an effort in itself, and her feet felt like iron weights.

Her mind was only half paying attention as she congratulated and shook hands with them. She spent very little time on each person, and was done as quickly as possible. Kathryn soon was out of the holodeck and walking back to her quarters. They were located right next to Chakotay's quarters.

She sighed and closed her eyes momentarily. She was too tired for another confrontation. She just wanted to get into her quarters as quickly as possible, avoiding talking to anyone on the way.

Their friendship was once again in peril. They only spoke to one another when absolutely necessary, and never even acknowledged each other off duty, unless a crewmember was watching. Renhika had finally gotten what she wanted, and yet, it wasn't quite right. Chakotay still wasn't completely hers. He seemed to be so sad all of the time, melancholy. He didn't invite her to go out half as much as he used to.

She was getting more and more frustrated, often bored. If Janeway was out of the way, Renhika would think, then it would be different. She's just a constant reminder of their failed relationship.

Renhika wasn't quite sure what to do about it until one day it was all laid out for her. They had been traveling through Bromaline space for a little over a year now, still with no sign of reaching the end. Outside of encounters with the Bromalians and a few other miscellaneous adventures, not much happened to them. One time, a virus broke out among the crew, and several crewmembers fell ill, among them B'Elanna and Carey. Renhika was in charge of engineering until they recovered.

She enjoyed it, being in charge in some ways again. It gave her a sense of empowerment that she hadn't felt in a long time. The one bad thing was that she had to frequently talk to Janeway as part of her duty, but even that wasn't too bad. Janeway was a good conversationalist, and entertaining to listen to, and at least Renhika knew that when she was in engineering, she wasn't on the bridge with Chakotay. However, when they did talk, their conversations were strained and unnatural, as if they both couldn't help remembering their encounter at Paris's last party.

There was a senior staff meeting, and since the victims of the virus still hadn't recovered, she was invited as engineering liaison. It bored her to listen. There was nothing for her to really do other than answer occasional inquiries about ship's systems. She, instead, spent the time studying Chakotay. He was beautiful. More so now than ever. His faced was perfectly chiseled out, as if in stone, like he was an ancient Greek God. And his body, she knew, was the same way. A smile that she couldn't restrain played across her lips.

Her attention was piqued when Janeway began to speak about their next stop. A planet called Omri-Wor. Janeway was talking about the xenophobia of their culture, and they'd allow only one or two people on the planet at a time.

"So I guess that means no shore leave," Paris remarked. Renhika resisted he urge to sneer at him, that smart ass. But then again, what kind of a person could he be if he was involved with that bitch, B'Elanna Torres?

"Unfortunately, Mr. Paris, we wouldn't have the time even if they would allow us," Janeway said, frowning. "From what I hear, our old friend, Mr. Mordus, and his fleet of ships are in the area, and we'll need to finish this before they get over here."

"They'll undoubtedly be alerted to our presence the minute we arrive at the planet," Chakotay said, leaning forward. "So that will leave us about a day to finish everything up and follow through with the trade."

The briefing continued on, but Renhika was frozen, an idea forming in her head. She wanted to get rid of Janeway, so why not kill her? If she gave her to Mordus, not only would Janeway be out of the way for good, but Mordus might not have a reason to pursue Voyager anymore.

When the briefing was over, she was walking back to engineering, growing more and more excited by the minute. It would work! She already knew that Janeway would be one of the two people on the planet, so she simply had to tell Mordus where the negotiations were being held.

But then if he knew that, he'd know where Voyager was, and he'd capture the ship as well.

But not necessarily...

A warning bell went off in her head-- that tiny, rational voice imploring her to see reasons. Her emotions won out.

She ignored the voice.


	3. Part III

IN THE NAME OF LOVE

They were a day away from Omri-Wor when something went wrong with the warp drive. No one could quite figure out what it was, and B'Elanna was still unfit for duty. Janeway called an emergency staff meeting and they discussed the situation. It was agreed upon that she and Neelix would take his ship to Omri-Wor and complete the negotiation while picking up the needed supplies, and the rest of the crew would work on repairing Voyager. The warp core would probably be online within two days, and Voyager could simply swing by and pick them up when the warp drive was functional once again. Kathryn was fairly confident about the plan. It might in fact, she said, give her more time to complete the negotiation, seeing as no one would recognize Neelix's ship upon arrival when they would recognize Voyager, and the Bromalians wouldn't be alerted on time. So Janeway and Neelix set out, the crew of Voyager started to work on the warp core, and Renhika sent a transmission to the Bromalians.

Mordus still didn't believe the woman, the one who had tipped him off as to where Janeway was going. He sat in wait, Vaila at his side, on the low roof of a building where the negotiation was supposedly to be held. He watched the street below him intently, waiting to see the woman who had eluded him for so long, if she'd show up at all. "It must be a trap of some kind." He'd told Vaila earlier. "Be prepared." However, he still failed to receive any sign of deception. But then again, the mere fact that someone would give away their leader was a sign of something being amiss. Sure, Mordus had heard of double crossings of this nature before, but this one still had a note of... unease attached to it.

He noticed Vaila eyeing him, and returned her stare until she hastily looked away. He'd noticed she'd been acting strangely lately. She was still pursuing him, despite the fact that his interest in her had nearly faded. Her irrational jealousy merely made her look the fool. It almost made him laugh out loud. She was seeing things that weren't there. He had interest in Captain Janeway purely as a challenge, yet Vaila seemed to take it personally. Perhaps it was because this was the first one they had pursued that had been female. However, this female was also the most cunning person they had hunted. No one had ever escaped him for this long.

Vaila was once again staring at him, and he calked his head sideways at her, to inquire why she was staring at him, or maybe just to let her know he knew she was watching him. She glanced away once again, staring down at the street for their prey to come into view. They had received word a few minutes ago that an alien ship had arrived, however, upon looking at it, Mordus concluded that it was not the Voyager. Besides, these people used transporters, they didn't land ships on the surface.

Vaila hit him on the arm, and he immediately glanced down at the street. He could only see a short, fat man, and a blur of bright red. But he could feel her in the air, as though her very presence was tangible... "That's her!" He whispered, readying his weapon, signaling his officers to turn on theirs. None of his officers made a move. They were too well trained to go rushing into a fight like a bunch of rookies. Instead, they waited until the prey was in a good enough position for the ambush to be wildly successful. Mordus felt anticipation build up in him as he forgot all about his troubles with Vaila, his hands shaking as he raised his weapon to focus right on the woman. He watched as the Omri-Wor man walked out to greet her, nervously, but he went along with his instructions and started to lead her to the building. The short fat man was escorted off by another Omri-Wor. Unconsciously, Mordus assessed the Omri-Wor. They were known to be rebellious and have a lack of respect for authority, but they feared the Order, and that's all that was needed to keep them in line. He watched the man trot a few paces ahead of Janeway, glancing up at the roof nervously.

Don't do that, you imbecile! You'll give us all away! Mordus thought, preparing to spring just in case Janeway caught on. "Do not fire your weapons unless absolutely necessary," he whispered to his men, wincing as the Omri-Wor man glanced a second time at the roof.

After the third time he glanced at the roof, Janeway did so as well. She could have sworn that she saw movement. She slowed down uncertainly.

"Is something wrong, Captain?" The Omri-Wor asked. Janeway looked at him. He was nervous.

"No, nothing's wrong." She said, although she started to get a terrible feeling in her gut about what was happening. He was far too frantic for simply pre-negotiation jitters. She recalled a quote from a 23rd century captain, something like, "You can't run a ship off of gut feelings and intuition alone..." That wasn't exactly the right wording, but she couldn't quite recall what the exact quote was at the moment. She pushed down the feeling and continued to follow the man.

Mordus watched her intently as she hesitated. He knew the man had aroused some suspicion in her. The Omri-Wor said something to her. If he's telling her, Mordus thought, I'll kill skin him.

He let out the breath he'd been holding when Janeway continued on, instinctively walking slower. If she had figured it out from where she had been standing, she might have had a chance to get away. He noticed Athader next to him starting to rock slightly in anticipation. Mordus could sympathize with him. He was new at this, and the most thrilling moments were always right before you close the trap. He was about to put out a hand to still Athader when he realized that Athader had knocked a bit of gravel loose from the top of the ledge. It slid down the roof and landed on the ground.

They were about ten feet away from the door of the negotiation room when a few small pebbles hit the ground in front of Janeway's feet. The thought rushed to her head, Someone's on the roof. The Omri-Wor broke out into a sprint and began to run away. The same instant, in dawning horror, she realized, My god, I know why he was looking up there! The thought came to her the instant before her hand automatically went to her phaser.

She had realized what was happening, and was undoubtedly about to fly, Mordus knew. He'd kill Athader for it later, but for now, he had more important things to concentrate on. He unceremoniously let out a battle cry and jumped down from the ledge, noticing his men and Vaila follow his action. There were eight of them in all, and he realized that despite Athader's blunder, it was already too late to get away.

Next to him, Athader suddenly fell with a cry after a bright beam of light flashed out from a weapon Janeway was carrying. She backed up a few steps to avoid Pothtomok's blow, and fired on a wider beam, taking out Theravall and Sandor. Mordus noticed with displeasure that his people seemed to be hanging back, hesitant to attack her. Unfortunately for Janeway, she had turned at a bad angle to fire her last shot, leaving her entire right side exposed to Mordus.

He instinctively sprang at her, tackling her, knocking her phaser out of her hands and to the ground. He was surprised at the speed of her recovery as she lifted herself up on one hand and elbowed him with the other to knock him to the side of her before she quickly crawled out from under him, straight towards the phaser. Alas, there were now five of them and one of her, and she was quickly intercepted by two more of Mordus's men. One kicked her in the rips and the other grabbed her by the upper arms and pulled her up from the ground, jerking her into the air and off her feet and swinging her around to toss her right into the wall. She hit the wall and slid down a short ways, stunned for a moment before she managed to get once again to her feet. The man who had just thrown her quickly punched her. She staggered back once again against he wall. He hit her with the other hand, and she almost collapsed. One more hit would probably knock her out, Mordus reasoned, standing back like the rest of his men to let Lurd'Morda do his work. Lurd'Morda aimed a third punch at her and swung. She ducked at the last second and his hand contacted painfully with the wall.

He cried out in pain as Janeway quickly stepped back, away from him, only to bump into Vaila, who she hadn't seen yet. Vaila was nearly a head taller than Janeway, and it suddenly dawned on Mordus that Janeway was a tiny woman. It gave him more confidence in the fight, and when Vaila shoved Janeway back, he caught her himself and forced both harms behind her back, both wrists in one of his hands while his other arm looked around her waist, pulling her two him and holding her back against him. She was small. Mordus began to wonder if he could snap her in two.

He cried out when one of her boot heels contacted with his shin. She was still struggling, with a strength that he never could have counted on by looking at her. Vaila gestured for one of the other men to help, and he grabbed Janeway's legs, securing them to prevent her from struggling anymore.

She must have realized that she couldn't fend them off any longer, so she stopped straining to free her captured limbs and looked around, not sure which one to talk to . "What do you want?" She was half out of breath, and Mordus almost thought he head a slight waver in her voice. Out of fear or out of rage? He wasn't sure.

The question she asked was fairly simple, so Mordus answered from behind her, his lips right near her ear, "I want you to stop struggling. You're beaten." She couldn't turn her head to face him, but he felt her bristle in her arms. Yes, it was definitely out of rage.

"And I assume you're Ragnar Mordus?"

Mordus gestured with his head to Vaila, who brought forward binders. Mordus slowly, warily, slipped his arm from around her waist. His men, the ones that were still conscious, drew in close to restrain her in case she started to fight them again. She glanced around, face impassive, assessing the situation, but didn't make a move against him as he snapped binders on her wrists.

"You're assuming correctly," he replied, nodding to Pothtomok to release her legs. He turned her around to face him, noticing bruises already appearing on her face in the places where Lurd'Morda had hit her.

"So, what happens next?" She asked quietly, eyes flashing. Mordus had learned enough about her to know she was just stalling until she thought of a plan.

Knowing it was best to keep her off balance, he said gruffly, "You come with us." He grabbed her by one of her restrained arms and jerked her with him as he turned to walk away from the building. Lurd'Morda and Eshemmot stayed behind to help the injured, and Vaila and Pothtomok flanked around Mordus and his prize to make sure no one interfered in what was happening. He noticed that Janeway stumbled often as they were walking, obviously still disoriented from the blows she had received and most likely in shock from the recent turn of events, but she kept up with him.

Mordus heard a faint, "Captain?"

Janeway's eyes grew wide and she spun around as far as she could. "Neelix! Get out of here, now! Go!" she screamed, struggling furiously against Mordus as he looped his arm around her waist. Mordus nodded to Pothtomok, who ran in the direction of the voice, and he reaffirmed his grip on Janeway's wrist and his hold around her body as he shuffled her in the direction of the ship.

Janeway was unable to put up an effective fight with the binders on. There were only Mordus and the woman holding her now, and it was a prime chance to escape, but he held her securely in a way that allowed no effective struggle.

"Mordus," the female Bromalian said, panting at his side as he dragged Janeway with him. "She's still struggling and slowing us down too much. At least let me sedate her."

Mordus glanced down at Janeway briefly, then nodded his compliance to the woman.

"No, wait, I'll stop," Janeway began, knowing she had no chance of getting away if she was unconscious-- but faded off when she felt a slight sting in the side of her neck. The world darkened around her, and the last thing she was aware of was being hoisted up onto Mordus's shoulder.

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"B'Elanna! It's good to see you up and about!" Chakotay exclaimed.

"No thanks to you," the half-Klingon grumbled, even though it was obvious she was in a great mood. "You didn't even bother to visit me when I was sick." They stepped into the turbolift.

"I'm sorry, B'Elanna. We've had so much happen lately, with the virus, the warp core malfunctioning and the negotiation with the Omri-Wor," he replied, thinking, but not speaking of, his argument with Kathryn.

"Well, I can assure you of one thing," B'Elanna said jovially, turning to him. "If I had been on duty and not your girlfriend, the warp core would never have malfunctioned."

"Come on, be fair," Chakotay said. "Renhika was stranded on a desolate moon for nine years; she hasn't been around starships for a while, and she's still getting into the swing of things."

"The others from the moon are getting into the swing of things very nicely. And besides, I can't believe so large an error can take place without her catching it first." She gave a dramatic sigh and raised her chin. "But never fear: I'm back, and I'm her for good."

"I think we'll all be grateful for that," Chakotay replied, turning back to face the door. The lift stopped and they stepped out onto the bridge.

Applause broke out, and Torres swept down into an elegant bow. When the applause continued, she waved it off. "Please, people, you're embarrassing me," she said with a laugh.

"We're just glad to have our most brilliant and beautiful engineer back." Paris said; B'Elanna shot him a dirty look and he grinned sheepishly in return.

"Well," Chakotay said, "if that's over, I suggest we all return back to duty... Something wrong?" He had noticed Torres glancing around the bridge before resuming the engineering post.

"Yes. Where's the Captain?" She glared at Chakotay. "Now there's someone who actually did visit me when I was sick."

"Hey, I visited you!" Paris called from the helm.

"You don't count, helmboy!" She replied, turning briefly to Paris before she looked back over to Chakotay.

"She's just gone temporarily. She and Neelix are negotiating for dilithium on Omri-Wor."

"Is it just me," B'Elanna muttered to him, "Or are the names of these planets getting stranger and stranger as we go along?" They shared a private chuckle before they went back to their posts.

Chakotay looked back at Tuvok and barked, "Speaking of the Captain, what's our status, Mr. Tuvok?"

"We are headed at warp nine to Omri-Wor. We should be in the planet's orbit within the next fourteen hours." Tuvok reported.

"Good. Once we finish with this planet, we won't have to stop again for the next five weeks." Chakotay commented.

"Unless Carey and I end up out of commission again, and your girlfriend somehow manages to blow up the warp core." B'Elanna remarked.

"Hey," Chakotay said, glancing over at her, "Don't overstay your welcome, Lieutenant." B'Elanna interpreted that he said it in jest, but there was a quiet, warning under tone to his words..

"All right, all right. I was just about to clear out anyway," she replied. A few minutes later, conversation had died back down, and Chakotay was wordlessly watching the stars zip past on the view screen. He was somewhat startled when Tuvok's panel began beeping.

"Commander, I am detecting an alien vessel on long range sensors." He studied the panel for a moment before he glanced up. "It is Mr. Neelix's ship."

"Already?" Chakotay asked, standing up. "Hail them."

Tuvok's panel beeped again. "I am getting no response."

He glanced back at Tuvok. "What's their status?"

"I am detecting one life sign on the vessel. The vessel itself appeared severely damaged, with life support failing rapidly. Shields and weapons are down as well."

Chakotay felt his stomach tie up in knots. He began to feel almost sick with dread. "Are we within transporter range?"

"We will be shortly," Tuvok replied.

Chakotay tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to sickbay."

"Go ahead, Commander," The Doctor answered.

"Prepare for a patient, Doctor." He turned back to Tuvok. "Can you beam the person out while the ship is at warp?"

"I believe so." Tuvok replied. "Stand by..." He paused, then glanced back up from his panel. "The transport has been successful." Chakotay felt his tensed shoulders relax slightly. "I'll be in sickbay."

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He must have run the whole way. When he reached sickbay, his heart was pounding so loud he could hear it. Or was it just apprehension? Chakotay bolted through the doors, and stopped short in dismay. Neelix was lying on the biobed, being treated for various burns and cuts. Chakotay strode up unceremoniously and demanded, "Where's the Captain?"

"Commander," the Doctor said, "My patient is in not shape to be interrogated--"

"Answer me, Neelix. Where is the Captain!" He resisted the urge to go up and slap Neelix to try to jog his memory.

Neelix looked like he was trying to speak, but it ended up a throaty gurgle. "Commander," the doctor said, steel in his voice. "If you persist in this behavior I will be forced to call security. Now please, back of and give my patient room to breathe!"

Chakotay glanced up at the Doctor and reluctantly backed off. "Thank you," the hologram said. "When he is fit to speak, I will inform you. For now, I suggest you leave him in peace."

Chakotay nodded his compliance. Damn. It was all he could do. He retreated to the door. "You'll call me the minute he can speak to us."

"Of course. Now leave, please." The Doctor shooed him out.

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"... the next thing I knew, she was yelling for me to run, and this large Bromalian fellow started for me. Now, if I had brought a phaser, I could have stopped him right there, but since I didn't, I just had to run. He chased me all through the streets, shooting at me. Even some of the Omri-Wor tried to get me. I was hit in the back right outside of my ship. I managed to crawl into my ship and set a course for the rendezvous coordinates. They shot at me until I got out of orbit, but they didn't follow. The next thing I knew, I was here." Neelix was holding himself up like he was a martyr as he spoke. Chakotay was sitting on a nearby biobed, listening with distant eyes and a brooding expression. Tuvok was staring at Neelix, his features set to neutrality, his eyes haunted.

"Do you know where they took her?" Chakotay asked.

"I-I don't know, Commander. But they were there so quickly, it was less than fifteen minutes after we had arrived. They must have been waiting for us. Someone must have told them."

"The Omri-Wor?" Chakotay asked, glancing at Tuvok.

"It's the most likely conclusion, although I fail to see what they could gain out of such a deal," Tuvok replied.

"I can think of a lot of things--" Chakotay began, before Neelix blurted, "Sir, if I may speak?"

Chakotay glanced at him, annoyed, but nodded for the little man to speak.

"I don't think it was the Omri-Wor. They seemed very nervous, frightened, even. If they helped the Order, I don't think they did it willingly."

"Well, Neelix, if you can name anyone else who would turn the Captain over to Mordus, I'm all ears," Chakotay replied.

"Commander," Tuvok interjected. "We are not considering all of the possibilities. It may be someone on Voyager who tipped the Bromalians off."

"Impossible," Chakotay said immediately.

"It is not 'impossible' as you put it, Commander. We have been betrayed on two separate occasions already, and it is perfectly conceivable that we have been betrayed a third time."

"But who would it be, Tuvok?" Chakotay demanded. "Unlike the Kazon, there is no dealing with the Bromalians. No one has anything to gain out of it!"

"That is not necessarily true," Tuvok replied. "If someone harbored ill will against Captain Janeway, then they would have everything to gain off of this."

"The Starfleet-Maquis problem is long gone; I can't think of anyone who would have a grudge against her. The crew would follow her to hell." He sighed and buried his face in his hand.

"Perhaps," the Doctor intervened, "If you got some rest, Commander, your thinking process would be clearer."

"Doctor, we are losing precious time. They could be getting farther and farther away with her this very moment while we're just sitting here. I have no time..." He trailed off, gazing thoughtfully into space for a few moments. Then,. "How long until we reach Omri-Wor?"

"Approximately six hours and twenty-two minutes," Tuvok replied.

"Very well," Chakotay conceded. "I'll take your advice, try to sleep for a few hours. I want to be contacted immediately when we reach the planet."

"Aye sir," Tuvok said.

As Chakotay was leaving sickbay, he couldn't stop the feelings of helplessness and guilt that washed over at him. He had no clue where the Captain was, and he couldn't help her in the least at the moment.

He had a feeling that he wouldn't be getting very much sleep tonight.

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They arrived at Omri-Wor ahead of schedule. Chakotay spent the entire day arguing with Omri-Wor officials. Finally, they revealed to him that the Bromalians were headed to the T'Itari system. The third planet was apparently a Gatekeeper Planet.

Without thanking them, Chakotay beamed back to the ship and they set a course for T'Itari. It was a six day trip, and it gave Chakotay time to sit back and discuss the situation with Tuvok.

"I think you might just be right," Chakotay said finally.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "About what, Commander?"

"Someone on this ship gave away what we were doing." Chakotay leaned across Janeway's desk to look eye-to-eye with Tuvok. "The Omri-Wor claimed that they weren't the ones who turned the Captain over to the Order, that somehow the Order knew of the negotiation before the Omri-Wor had affirmed it."

"It is possible that they are not telling the truth," Tuvok noted.

Chakotay stood up and stared out the view port. "Let's see... the warp core just happened to malfunction right before the negotiation that the Order just happened to find out about. Too damn much of a coincidence to be accidental."

"Then I believe we should begin investigating the people in engineering at the time." Tuvok said.

"I'll ask Renhika if she saw anyone that wasn't supposed to be there--" he faded off at Tuvok's pointed stare. "What? You don't think she did it, do you?"

"I am not implying anything, Commander. I am simply saying that everyone in engineering is suspect, and we should not let on to any of them that we are investigating a possible traitor."

"Then I guess I'll ask B'Elanna to start analyzing the warp core problem to see if it was sabotaged," Chakotay said. He paused for a second, turning back to Tuvok. "I think you were implying something, Tuvok. I can assure you, if Renhika was responsible, which I doubt, but if she was, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course, Commander," Tuvok replied.

"Good." Chakotay stepped through the door onto the bridge, Tuvok walking past him to his post.

"B'Elanna," Chakotay called. She glanced over at him from the engineering station and he waved her over.

As soon as she reached him, he gestured towards the ready room. "Let's talk."

Janeway woke up in darkness. She had a dream that she was in a tiny box, being stifled to death. She woke up in a tiny box-like place, being stifled by the warm, humid air. Maybe that wasn't a dream after all. She thought.

The memories of the previous events came rushing back to her, and she quickly figured that she was in the process of some sort of psychological torture. She was in a fetal position, unable to move anything but her head. The box was narrow, with barely enough room for her. She struggled for a few seconds, trying to unwind her limbs in the narrow space provided. Finally, she gave up and was still for a few seconds. A feeling of the walls closing in around her crept into her mind as she began to feel rising panic.

"Stop it, Kathryn!" she said aloud. Now was no time to give into her mild claustrophobia. She willed herself to calm down and think clearly, trying to find a way to get untangled. She moved her legs the little ways she could, unweaving her arms. Finally, she managed to get the out of the place where they had been trapped up between her body and the wall. This gave her a little more room, at least. She was extremely uncomfortable, and her neck was stiffening up.

She raised her head slightly and hit Mehta bars. A number of horizontal metal bars, as a matter of fact, right over her head. They were wide enough to allow her arm through, but not wide enough to allow her to stand up, or even straighten up her neck for that matter. She wasn't quite sure what their purpose was, but it felt good to stretch her arms. Kathryn sat still for a few minutes more before she grew restless. She started moving as far as she could, trying to shift her position. Her legs ached and she wanted to be able to move them somehow, but there was no way. She sighed as she felt them cramp up.

After a while, her body almost felt numb. She had to fight the feeling she was getting of her mind being separated from her body, drifting off into the endless darkness of the box.

She must have fallen asleep sometime, because when she woke, a bright beam of light was coming from the top of the box, through the metal bars. Someone wordlessly set a plate of food down on top of the bars, then the light disappeared and the box closed again.

Kathryn felt the stifling humidity and heat of the box die down for a few minutes, then it came back in full force. She understood now what the bars were for. She reached an arm through and felt around the plate of food, looking for any water that came with it. She finally found the cup, and she brought it down through the bars and greedily gulped it down. It was difficult to do with her head bent at the bad angle, but she was allotted no more room to raise her head straight up.

Hours more must have passed, and still nothing. She began to feel claustrophobic again, but she couldn't fight it back this time. She felt like she was being suffocated, her body ached from the position she was in, and her throat was once again parched by the need for water. She struggled against the walls, trying to tip over the box. Something, anything. But the box was too solid, so she finally ended up calming down and holding her claustrophobia in check.

What are they doing? Aren't they going to ask me any questions? She wondered. Right now, she'd welcome any conversation. It would help deter the feeling that she was dead. This stifling box, she realized, was worse than any torture she had experienced.

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Druk wasn't quite sure when the six aliens came in, but soon they were surrounding him, his fellow operator lying on the ground out cold, and a gun pointed to his head by one with a drawing on his forehead.

"If you want to live, open up the gateway to Axarus," the alien man said.

"You- you don't understand. It's impossible!" Druk stammered, hoping against hope that security would arrive in time to stop these crazed maniacs.

"And why not?" One of the man's five companions demanded. This once was a female with a ridged forehead and a terrible temper.

Druk glanced down at his colleague who the female had knocked out. No, he didn't want to get on her bad side.

"The gateway is closed days ago," he told them.

"Then open it up again!" The female snapped.

"I can't. It's closed from Axarus, Mordus's orders. If you want to get there, you have to go through the Shrelton IV gateway."

"How far away is Shrelton IV?" The man asked.

"I can give you the location, just please don't kill me!" Druk implored, holding his hands out to beg.

"I won't if you just give me the location and give it to me right now," the man with the drawing on his forehead replied.

"Sure, sure." Druk took a few cautious steps backwards before he reached into his desk drawer. He had a few maps, tourist maps, of the different planets. He fumbled through until he came to Shrelton. "Here."

He tossed the map and the pamphlet to the man with the drawing. The man studied it closely for a moment, then he raised his weapon. "This won't kill you, although you'll wake up with a bit of a headache." And then he fired.

Chakotay sat back in the chair, rubbing his temple. He was exhausted. The past three weeks had been the most stressful of his life. They were headed at warp nine to Shrelton IV. The planet, even at maximum warp, was nearly three months away, but it was the only thing that they could do to get Kathryn back. It was unfortunate that Mordus had brought her to Axarus, a prison colony nearly 40,000 light years away. The planet only had two gateways to access it, and Mordus had already cut off one of them. Chakotay just hoped he didn't cut off the other.

Renhika had come in uninvited and refused to leave until he told her what was bothering him. Chakotay told her everything about the situation (except for the investigation) and the toll it had taken on him. She pulled him into her arms, and with sympathy that seemed forced, she whispered, "We'll get through this. Whatever happens, I promise you, we'll get through this."

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Kathryn was restless again. She wasn't sure how long it had been since they'd last fed her and given her water, but it was a lot longer than usual. Were they just going to kill her like this? Were they going to let her die in this tiny little hole she'd been in for God knows how long?

Sanity had been difficult to hold onto. After an interminable period, time had blurred for her. She found refuge in daydreaming, imagining life back on Voyager, Voyager's reception when they reached Earth. Her dreams allowed her to ignore the cramping of her limbs, the immobility of her body. She could pretend she was somewhere out there, in space, and not locked within the tiniest of cells.

But it was hard to ignore your conditions when you were dying of dehydration. Her throat burned with every swallow. She was grateful when sleep found her, the third one since they'd stopped giving her water.

Janeway woke up with a start when the accursed box was picked up. This had happened a few times. They'd drag her out, drug her, and then she'd come back to awareness in the box again, both herself and the box cleaner than they had been before.

She braced herself as the box was set back down. The drug always subdued her instantly and left her with the worst of headaches. She heard the creak of the metal bars moving back into the wall. The light came in, hands reached in, grabbing her and dragged her through the opening, dropping her onto the floor.

She knew by experience that if she raised her head, they'd hit her with the butt of a weapon, so she lay still on the ground, waiting for the drug to be administered. When nothing happened, she dared to open her eyes.

That was a mistake.

The light was blinding after the darkness of her solitude, and it cut into her pupils like a thousand tiny knives. She gasped and threw a hand over her eyes to shield them from the blinding glare. "Dim the lights." The command came from the lips of a woman, whose voice Janeway could vaguely recognize. The lights dimmed to a level where Janeway could squint and not experience so much pain. "Leave us," the woman said. Janeway heard a shuffling, as if someone was about to speak, when the woman urged, "Go! I can handle her."

The two men quickly nodded to her and left the room. The woman (Janeway recognized her from the day she'd been captured) walked across the room to sit at a chair across from Kathryn. Feeling like she was in a vulnerable position, Kathryn tried to stand, to get her feet under her. She wasn't too surprised when her legs wouldn't hold her and she collapsed back to the floor, her body assuming the fetal position they'd been holding for so long.

"It always happens when you've been in the Box for too long. The muscle wears away with inactivity. You should be grateful to me. Command wanted to keep you in there for a minimum of five months. I talked them down to one." She watched, impassive, as Janeway tried once again to get her legs to work. "I never have really liked the Box method anyway. Maybe it's bad memories. We had to spend a week in one of those during training, just to let us know what the prisoners feel. But other than that, it usually doesn't break people; they simply go mad." She laughed as if remembering a few unfortunate people. "And it also takes too long for my taste. I've always approved of more hands on methods of extracting information. And speaking of information," She said, brightening, "Would you happen to know any of those command codes you run your ship by?"

Janeway started to reply, but her throat was parched to the point where she couldn't get a word out. Vaila must have prepared for this, because she picked up a glass of water that had been lying on the floor next to her chair.

"Thirsty?" She asked. She set it back onto the floor. "It's yours if you want it."

Janeway couldn't walk over there. She could barely twitch her legs. If she was to get it, she'd have to crawl over on her stomach. She realized what the point of this was. The woman was trying to show her just how... high, superior she was compared to Janeway, who it was that had the power. Out of pride, Kathryn almost considered not drinking the water, but it had been nearly three days (from her estimate) since she had had anything to drink, and a human could only go so long without water.

She put her arms on the ground, lying on her stomach, and pulled herself over, creeping over inch by inch. She finally reached arms length, and she grabbed the cup and brought it to her lips. It was not enough to satisfy her thirst, but it was just enough to help her sore throat.

"If you cooperate," the woman said, "You'll get more later."

"And if I don't?" Janeway choked out. The woman smiled menacingly at her.

"Rest assured, we'll give you enough to live." She stood up and walked a few feet away. She stayed facing Janeway as she leaned back against the wall. "I don't want to have to torture you. I'd prefer you cooperate. It's an ugly business, Captain, but I've grown... used to it. It pays well, and the faster I break you, the more I get. It would be best for both of us if you just told me everything."

"I suppose that goes for both of you," Janeway rasped.

"No, not really," The woman smiled. "Mordus's wealthy and powerful enough already. He doesn't especially need this job. He's in it because he enjoys it." She was studying Janeways' reaction carefully. The Captain kept her face impassive, allowing no sign that the statement bothered her to show. She's good. Vaila thought to herself. If she hadn't been so learned in reading people, she might not have noticed the apprehension that flickered through the younger woman's eyes.

"You needn't worry about that, though. Mordus's finished his part in this case, and we'll leave as soon as the Bureau decides we're done with you." At least I hope we do. Vaila thought. She wasn't so sure about Mordus anymore. He had been surveying his work for the past month, sitting only a few feet away from the box so he might hear every movement made by Janeway. Sometimes he was even the person who put meals in the box, and he was there every time she was drugged and cleaned up. Vaila had thought he would grow indifferent to Janeway as soon as she was apprehended, as he did with all his other contracts, but he seemed interested in seeing her broken in person.

"But before the Bureau can decide we're done with you, it's my duty to get all the information we can get from you. We can do this the easy way, I ask questions, you answer them honestly, or we can do this the hard way." She fingered a small device attached to her belt. She waited until Janeway's eyes drifted to the device before she continued, "It's a standard instrument. You see, it simultaneously manipulates the body's pain receptors and stops the body's natural defense of dimming the pain, so it can produce levels of pain unimaginable."

Janeway took a breath and spoke, "There's no useful information you can get from me. My command codes were canceled the minute my ship learned of my capture."

"Then you will tell us what weaknesses your ship possesses."

Janeway stared at the device a moment more, then she looked up into Vaila's eyes. "Then I guess it has to be the hard way."

Vaila paused for a second, not quite sure of what she had heard. Clearly the woman was mad, or maybe just naive. But in any case, she was going to get what she asked for.

"So be it."

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It was Vaila's own methods that prevented Janeway from breaking.

She would be tortured for hours on end with the device, then left alone for about half an hour to recuperate slightly. She was allowed very little sleep before she was woken up and tortured again. Vaila couldn't seem to understand; it had already been a week and a half, and yet the woman wasn't spilling out everything she could like people usually did.

As for Janeway, it was all a blur. The pain was so terrible that she couldn't even form a coherent thought. They'd ask her questions, but she couldn't seem to understand what they were saying or think of a response. It was like they were talking to her in gibberish. After the torture ended for the day, she'd be in shock, trembling and shaking, still unable to think of anything. The level of pain she was experiencing was grossly unnatural for humans. The Bromalians and their subject races had been using these devices for over two thousand years, and they had a certain tolerance for them that humans didn't.

When Janeway was woken up again, she was still disoriented and confused, not fully recovered from the effects of the torture. Looking back, Janeway realized that if Vaila had given her more time in between sessions, or even if she had lessened the pain factor, Janeway might have broken. However, after two weeks of no results, the Bureau decided to pull the plug, deeming it a waste of precious time and equipment.

They were planning on killing her, seeing no other alternative. The Bureau had too much on their hands to imprison her long term, and she was too dangerous to release. It was only because of Mordus's intervention that prevented them from executing her. He claimed that he would get the needed information out of her and take her off of the Bureau's hands.

High Admiral Amaroth was curious about Mordus's motives, but he allowed his friend to do as he pleased. The only one who wasn't pleased with this turn in events was Vaila.

She came up to Mordus one day and handed him two slips of paper. He glanced at them curiously. "What's this?"

"It's just something I picked up," she replied, waiting for him to study them a bit longer before she continued. "A few proofs of purchase. You know, a nice rented lodge on Pentarus."

He looked up in mild surprise before he handed them back to her. "Enjoy yourself." He started to turn, but she circled around to stand in front of him.

"Ragnar, there are two of them."

He raised an eyebrow, bemused. "Are you inviting me?"

Vaila smirked at him. "Actually, you invited me a while ago. But I guess now I'm the one who's paid, so yes, I am inviting you." "Well, I would enjoy going with you, but..." he faded off, letting the silence speak for itself. Vaila felt fury boil up in her.

"But what! Is it because of Janeway? She's nothing! You're just in another one of your fixations--"

"Vaila," he said slowly, surprised by her sudden outburst. "I'm not quite sure what you think this is about, but I assure you, it's nothing like you think it is. I am only trying to complete what's already been started, not trying to start some sort of relationship with an inferior being."

"Oh really?" Vaila asked, not swayed by his words. She walked a few paces away from him, then turned back to him. "If it's just that, then you'll go with me."

"I can't."

In a low voice, Vaila asked him, "Do you realize what you're turning your back on?"

"We have our whole lives ahead of us, Vaila," he replied smoothly. In truth, it was beyond consideration. In the midst of his latest hunt, his momentary infatuation with her had died into coolness.

Oblivious, Vaila railed, "Damn it, Ragnar, I'm getting old! I'm nearly 150. I can't wait all of my life for you."

"Then don't." Mordus said simply. Vaila stood there for a few seconds, in shock. Rage heated up her blood, which she could almost feel rushing through her veins. If this had been any other man... but it was Ragnar Mordus, and no one sensible would dare lift a finger against him.

"Fine. That's-- that's just fine. You stay here with your precious Captain Janeway. Just don't come crawling to me when you get sick of her! Don't ask me to take you back after what you're turning away from today!"

She was on the verge of breaking down, but she held it back behind a mask of dignity. She had far too much pride to show her emotions in front of this bastard.

Mordus didn't say a word. His face hardened as he silently stood up and ambled out the door. Vaila felt her insides shrivel up and her blood felt like it was on fire. She was angrier than she could ever remember. Just when she was making progress with him, a ship called Voyager showed up.

"Damn them. Damn them all!" She hissed.

She vowed to keep tracking the ship, and one day present its battered hull to Amaroth himself.

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Janeway didn't cry out as the foot contacted with her ribs. She had experienced so much pain lately that her pain receptors wouldn't seem to respond without the device's help. "Wake up!" The female, Vaila, snapped at her.

It was the first time in... she wasn't sure how long, but it was the first time in awhile that Kathryn had woken up with a lucid head.

It had been... she still had no concept of how long, since the last session, and she began to wonder if they were done with her yet. She hadn't broken down and given them information... or had she? She couldn't remember. Since the torture began, all she could recall after those first few unbearable minutes was pain, nothing else. It was all a blur of jumbled images that she couldn't sort out.

"So, you made it through," Vaila remarked, bending down in front of her. Janeway didn't even attempt to get up. She had had not chance to use her legs, and still couldn't walk. She simply stared at Vaila, waiting for something to happen

"You know, "the Bromalian woman said, "you owe your life to Mordus. He convinced Amaroth not to have you killed."

"I see." Janeway murmured.

Vaila smiled a thin-lipped, bitter smile. "I wouldn't be grateful if I were you. It would probably be farm better for you if you were killed."

Janeway didn't answer, but she glanced at Vaila curiously. Vaila knelt down closer to Janeway, voice lowered. "You see, Ragnar gets these fixations on things. It happens every once in a while; and you, friend, seem to be the object of his latest. And if his obsession about you is like the others he's gone through..."

Janeway didn't say anything. Vaila, put off by her lack of expression, stood back up.

"Well, I won't be seeing you again. You can breathe easier, for now. But let me tell you one thing," Vaila said, a note of malice creeping into her voice. "I would not be you for all the galaxy. This-- what you're about to get-- is not the attention I'd want, from anyone. And believe me when I say this-- a short time from now, you're going to wish I had killed you."

She walked towards the door, pausing once to glance back at Janeway where she was lying on the floor. The other woman already had forgotten her, lying on her back, gazing silently at the wall. Vaila felt a momentary twinge of genuine pity. She knew all too well what was in store for her.

She walked out the door and left Janeway to her fate.

TBC


	4. Part IV

IN THE NAME OF LOVE

"I went over the diagnostic reports." B'Elanna was saying to Tuvok and Chakotay. "And I noticed a few discrepancies. First, the--"

Chakotay impatiently cut in, "You noticed discrepancies. Skip the explanation, I'll read the report later. Just answer this, B'Elanna-- Yes or no, was the warp core sabotaged?"

She looked him square in the eye. "Yes, the warp core was sabotaged."

"You are absolutely certain?" He felt sick.

"I have no doubt about it," B'Elanna replied.

"Can you tell who did it?"

"Whoever it was covered their tracks meticulously. I have no way to tell. The person sabotaged it sometime in between 2300 and 0100 hours. They deleted logs, left no trace whatsoever of what authorization they used to do it. They must know the ship's warp core pretty well. Too well."

"Off the top of your head, who has enough knowledge of the ship's systems to pull this off?"

"That I know of? Well, the Captain, myself, Lieutenant Carey," she hesitated a moment before saying, "Lieutenant Mehta, Seven, and Vorick."

"I think we can eliminate the Captain," Chakotay noted wryly, "And you, Seven, and Carey were ill at the time."

"And I think we know Vorick wouldn't do it. Besides, he wasn't even on duty at the time," B'Elanna added. "So that leaves Mehta."

"Not necessarily," Chakotay said. "Those people were just off of the top of your head. I'm sure there are more people who have it in their expertise to sabotage our systems."

"Of course, there always are," B'Elanna replied, refraining from pointing out to Chakotay how glaringly obvious it was that Mehta did it. This didn't seem to be the right time. Not yet. But B'Elanna made a mental note to herself to have a private talk with that traitor who had probably gotten the Captain killed.

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Renhika arrived in engineering with high spirits a few minutes before her shift. She greeted Carey genially, and he smiled back and nodded to her. She headed over to Torres, handing the Klingon woman a padd.

"Here's the warp bandwidth report you asked me for, Lieutenant."

"A bit early, isn't it?" Torres asked, her voice chilly.

"Well," Renhika said, "I had some time on my hands, so I just decided to finish it early."

"Oh, you're just so special, Mehta. Really," B'Elanna said, anger lacing her voice as she snatched the padd from the outstretched hand.

"Lieutenant, did I do something wrong?" Renhika asked, her eyes widened

B'Elanna stood up, wishing she could tower over Mehta. Instead, she had to make due with looking up into the taller woman's eyes. "I think we both know what you did." She growled.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Renhika said warily.

"Well then, let me clarify. You sabotaged the warp core, you told the Bromalians where the Captain was going, and you probably got her killed."

B'Elanna had a short leash on her temper, but it seemed to be escaping, making her voice shake.

Renhika had a momentary look of shock on her face as she unconsciously took a step back. Quickly, the old innocence returned. "I-I don't know how you came up with that, Lieutenant, but I would never--" She noticed Torres grow wild-eyed in front of her, and the engineer took a menacing step forward.

"Say it," she hissed. "Just say it. Chakotay may be blind, but I'm not! If you dare lie to me, I swear, I will kill you where you stand!"

Renhika was in a daze. She couldn't tell the truth, but she wouldn't dare provoke Torres. She found herself intimidated, scared of the woman despite herself. She whimpered, "Just leave me alone."

B'Elanna let out a bitter, harsh laugh. "You didn't give the captain that luxury, did you? But let me promise you one thing, Mehta," She drew in closer to the other woman. "When what you did gets out, you will have more enemies on this ship than you have ever had, and if it somehow doesn't ever get out, I will be enemy enough for all of them!"

Mehta usually didn't scare easily, but her shock at B'Elanna's knowledge gave her an alien cowardice. Mehta backed away, then she turned and blindly rushed out of engineering. B'Elanna stared after her in utter contempt.

"What's her problem?" Lieutenant Colmar asked Torres. B'Elanna glanced at him.

"She's had a bad day."

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Kathryn woke up on a bed for the first time in two months. She glanced around the dimly lit room and noticed that the only furniture in the place was the bed. Other than that, the room was bare except for a ceiling light.

It was another, more comfortable cell that her previous one (and certainly more comfortable than the Box, she added). The bed was somewhat hard compared to the one on her ship, but she was comfortable nevertheless. She also had woken up on her own, not by a rude kick to the ribs or having freezing cold water dumped over her like they had done once.

Kathryn heard the door open, and she glanced up to see Mordus standing in the doorway. "I hope you're feeling better than you were earlier." She was somewhat surprised about the change in his voice since the last time she'd met him. It was softer now, smoother, while before it had been loud and menacing.

"Yes, I do," she replied, not sure what else to say. What torture did he have planned for her?

"I take it you're hungry." He approached her slowly, cautiously. "There's food outside. I'll help you over there."

Kathryn didn't trust him, and suspected that this kindness was some sort of facade, but she nodded. He bent over and helped her to her feet, supporting her as she slowly made her way to the door. It was the first time Kathryn had really gotten a chance to walk, and she found that, with help, she could still do it.

They exited the cell, and he steered her over towards a chair. "Just sit here."

Kathryn lowered herself down, her legs already worn out from the short walk. He brought over a bowl of some sort of substance. Janeway recognized the taste immediately. It was something like Brexian Pokash, one of the commonly served meals while she was in the box, but it tasted rather good now.

She ate in silence. She felt his eyes on her as she choked down as much as she could as quickly as she could. A part of her was appalled that she was giving in like this, accepting his rewards when God knew what he'd ask for them, but she ignored that voice. All she knew was that she had never been so hungry in her life.

"So," she asked, when she was too full to eat anymore, "What's this all about?"

"This?" He asked.

"I mean this... act of kindness," she replied, gesturing to the food and to the room around her. He smiled, a dry, thin-lipped smile that wasn't especially pleasant.

"You may have a negative impression of me, you have reason to, but not everything I do stems from an evil, ulterior motive," he replied.

"Ah, but you must have something to gain out of this."

He smiled. "Actually, I was hoping to gain a dialogue."

"A... dialogue?" Janeway was confused now.

"A conversation?" He said, then as if explaining to a child, "To converse--"

"I know what a conversation is," she replied, a bit too quickly. Her voice softened. "I just didn't expect you to say that." She stared at him for a second, then smirked. "Are you and Hath'Hart doing some sort of good cop-- bad cop sort of thing?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Janeway leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "On my planet, in the twentieth century, law enforcement officers used to interrogate people. One would be kind, one would be hostile. It would cause the suspects to trust and talk to the kind one."

He shook his head. "I'm not trying to wring information out of you, if that's what you're asking, but thank you for that information. I might try that approach in the future." He paused for a beat. "So, Captain, tell me about your planet."

"Excuse me? Tell you about Earth?" She stared at him. "Why?"

"Intellectual curiosity," he replied. "I've never traveled outside of Order space, and one can't help but wonder about outsiders. Tell me about this Federation of yours."

Janeway was still somewhat in shock. This... man who had hunted her for so long was now trying to be, for lack of a better word, social with her. She still couldn't quite tell what he was up to, but she decided it would be best to stay on his good side. Deciding to give the formal first contact lecture on the Federation, she began, "The United Federation of Planets stretches across seven thousand light years and consists of..."

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They had yet to find evidence about who the traitor was. They had gone over all of the suspects' communication's logs, and found nothing.

Now, a frustrated Chakotay was going over his transmission records. It was a semi-annual requirement that the Captain had strictly enforced. Now that she was gone, it had fallen slightly behind schedule, but he still felt the priority to finish what she'd started. If he didn't, it would feel like he was giving up on her, and he would never do that.

It had been over two months. They would reach Shrelton in a little over six weeks, but they'd also have to make stops for supplies along the way. The best estimates concluded that they would reach Shrelton four and a half months after the Captain's abduction. Chakotay told himself that he firmly believed they'd get Kathryn back alive, although most crewmembers had already given her up for dead.

The ship was quiet and lonely. Everything seemed more tedious and pointless now than it had ever seemed, and Renhika was driving him insane. The woman would never leave him alone. She would say that she felt upset about Kathryn's imprisonment as well, but then she wouldn't even bat an eye when Janeway was mentioned. She would say one thing, and seem to actually believe another. It was really getting on Chakotay's nerves. He couldn't seem to relate to Renhika anymore. She seemed like a stranger to him, one he never had really known up until now. He began to seriously consider calling it off.

He was so lost in thought that he almost didn't see the one transmission. It registered in the back of his mind and he snapped out of his trance and flipped back to the place.

It was a transmission sent from his quarters to the Bromalians a little over a day before Kathryn's kidnapping.

"What the hell!" He exclaimed, jumping up in his chair. He quickly noted the time and date, and checked the security log to see who had been in his quarters at the time. There was only one person: Renhika Mehta.

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Mordus had asked her about everything. Her life, her career, her family. Janeway couldn't understand what it was he wanted from her. He was agreeable at times, almost kind, but she had seen a darker side to him. When someone came, he would hastily shuffle her back into her cell and lock the door. Bits of their conversation would filter through the door to her, and she learned enough from the conversation to get a grasp that Mordus was not one to be trifled with.

One time when he was absent, a guard came in to feed her, and she asked him where Mordus was. He told her, then he left. That's all that had happened. When Mordus came back, he was furious at her for even speaking to the guard, ordering her never to speak to another person unless he had given her permission first. She never saw that guard again. Needless to say, she had been startled by that sudden outburst of his temper. He had never quite showed it to her before.

Another time, he was once again asking her personal questions. She answered them as best she could, but avoided really sharing too much of her personal life, especially his intense inquiries into her former lovers. He noticed she seemed to be stepping around things, and grew furious when she still refused to answer him. He had yelled at her in a paroxysm of rage, his entire body shaking and the vein in his forehead throbbing. Janeway, who had already seen his temper once before, wasn't too shocked to say anything back this time. She snapped back a reply, and he hit her. Hard. She was knocked down to the ground. He followed his backhand and knelt down and picked her up, pulling her up by the collar and pushing her against the wall.

"I don't want to hurt you, Kathryn, but don't push me!" He whispered, addressing her by her name for the first time. He kept one hand on her collar and grabbed her upper arm with the other and steered her back over to her cell. He shoved her in and slammed the door, locking it. She had had the bruise on her cheek for nearly a week. The worst of it had recently come when he asked her about her father. Kathryn had always been rather uncomfortable talking about him, and answered all his questions in monosyllables. He again grew angry, and Janeway grew angry as well. This earned her a black eye. She stood back up from where she had fallen on the floor. Mordus grew even more angry and hit her once again. She stumbled back, but managed to catch her balance. He grabbed his rifle-like weapon (Janeway hadn't seen it yet) and swung it like a bat, hitting her on the side of the head. Kathryn fell down, her body going numb underneath her and the world blackening.

He knelt over where she was lying, too disoriented to move, and hissed, "When I knock you to the floor, you stay on the floor until I say you can get up." He then stood up and looked down at her again. "You can get up." He then turned away and walked out of the cell, locking the door behind him.

Kathryn couldn't sit up. She lay for a few seconds more, then passed out. She passed in and out of consciousness for a few days before Mordus was convinced to get a doctor. He had been reluctant to allow her to see anyone. The doctor diagnosed her with a severe concussion and treated her.

There had been a few other times, but none so severe as the most recent one. He was growing steadily more and more possessive of her, treating her like she was his property. The day finally came that one of the guards blundered into not properly locking her door. Kathryn had hidden one of the utensils from her meals in her cell, an ice-pick like instrument. She already knew that Mordus slept somewhere else, so she didn't have to worry about him. Kathryn approached the lock and worked the utensil into it. She moved it around for a few minutes before she finally managed to open the door. The guard wasn't outside of her cell at the moment, undoubtedly off answering nature's call or something else. He didn't bother calling a replacement because he didn't expect her to break out.

She crept past him to where the weapon Mordus had hit her with was kept. She undid what she thought was the safety and powered the weapon up. Kathryn inched open the door to the outer room. She had never been past the outer room in her time here, so she made her way cautiously, not knowing what came next.

There were two guards talking. Neither of them noticed her come in the room, or when she raised the rifle. They were standing close together, and she took them out with one shot. It must have set off some alarm without her knowing it, for after she left that room, she entered a giant hallway. Kathryn hurried as fast as she could down the hall way. She passed a few rooms with open doors. Right as she was going past one of them, a shadowy figure came out and grabbed her rifle.

Kathryn kept her grip, not letting the person take it from her. The person then used her own strength against her by shoving the rifle forward, hitting her in the face. She involuntarily let go of the weapon as she stumbled back.

Mordus threw the weapon back into the room behind him and advanced on her. Janeway knelt down low, preparing for his attack. He came at her with blinding speed, grabbing her and effortlessly tossing her up against the wall. Before Kathryn could do anything, he was at her again, hitting her first with his fist, then back handing her with the same hand. He clubbed her down next to her neck on her shoulder, successfully knocking her down to the floor. At this point, Kathryn knew he had defeated her. When he had her on the floor she was in no position to fight him. Added to that was the fact that Mordus, no, Bromalians in general, possessed a far superior strength to that of a human, a mix between the controlled strength of a Vulcan and the untamed strength of a Klingon. Plus, Mordus was a huge man. He was larger than Chakotay, nearly a foot taller than Janeway, and probably weighed three times as much as Janeway did. She lay on the ground looking up at him, struggling to choke breath into her lungs.

Mordus knelt down and wordlessly lifted her up, dragging her bodily down the hall. He took her back to the cell, fury burning behind his cool composure. When she was in, he closed the door and slammed her up against the wall.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing!" He growled, angrily. "Trying to escape? I've treated you well, given you enough food, and this is how you repay me!"

"Go to hell, Mordus!" Janeway hissed, already regretting the words, considering Mordus's current mood. A snarl twisted across his lips and he slammed his fist across her jaw. He hit her again and again before he threw her away from the wall down to the ground. Mordus kicked her in the ribs. Janeway cried out and tried to get up as he aimed a kick again and got her in the stomach. She was knocked back down to the ground. Kathryn doubled up as the air was knocked out of her. Then he connected one with her face. This flipped her over onto her back, and for a moment, Kathryn was blinded by the sudden rush of blood that got in her eyes. He raised his leg and stomped on her head.

When she felt herself about to mercifully pass out, he momentarily stopped. "No, no, you're not going to pass out on me yet. I'm not through with you." He said, panting. He lifted her up again. Janeway grimaced, pain throughout her body as he dragged her across the room and shoved her back up against the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He demanded again, the look on his face torn between rage and an almost amusing perplexity. She fought back the urge to laugh at the absurdity of this. How could he not understand why she'd want to escape? She was a prisoner, for God's sake!

Unable to express these sentiments, she managed to choke out, "Fuck you!"

Mordus grabbed her by the neck, his body right up against hers to hold her to the wall, and tightened his fingers. Kathryn gasped, raising her hands to try to pry off his hands. His face was dispassionate, and the world started to go black.

"This hurts, doesn't it? You want me to stop? You want me to let go?"

Unable to nod her head or even choke out a word, her eyes flickered desperately up to his.

When his hands loosened around her throat, her entire body sagged. She was only held up against the wall by his body pressing against hers.

She didn't notice his hands upon her until her head cleared, or his lips upon her neck. Her gaze raked over him-- his skin was flushed, a bulge in his pants. She put her arms against his shoulders to try to break away, but her arms had no strength.

The sick bastard, she thought, struggling harder against him. He's aroused by pain.

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" You really should stop blaming yourself, Chakotay," B'Elanna was saying to him. "There was no way you could have known what she was planning."

Chakotay listened to her words but took no comfort from them. "Everyone saw Renhika for what she was except for me. Christ, B'Elanna, am I that blind?"

"You're not blind," B'Elanna said. "You just have, as I've told you before, bad taste in women."

Chakotay grunted. "Bad taste. I always seem to be involved with women who turn into traitors."

"Well, if you and the captain had ever been involved, I'm sure that wouldn't be the case," B'Elanna said.

She noticed the pain in his eyes when she mentioned the Captain. "Chakotay, I'm your friend. What is it?"

Chakotay paused, as if uncertain whether to reply or not, then finally said, "I don't know. I don't know whether or not to believe she is still alive. B'Elanna, in my heart, I have to. I love her, B'Elanna. Even if it isn't mutual, I love that woman. But all of the odds are against her being alive. And to know that it was done from my quarters... that I was having sex with the woman who betrayed her while god knows what the Bromalians were doing to Kathryn, it's-- it's just tearing me apart, Torres." He collapsed down onto a chair.

"Chakotay, do you think the captain would want you to agonize about this?" Torres demanded. "She'd want answers, and if she is alive, I'm sure she'd appreciate the fact that you are doing everything in your power to get her back. Besides, no one's killed her yet, and there's no reason to believe that she'll let them kill her now."

He smiled at her, a mirthless smile that didn't even reach his eyes. "You have some very valid points, B'Elanna. I just wish I could be as optimistic."

"Hey," B'Elanna said, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Don't get all melodramatic on me now."

He glanced at her, appreciatively. "Thank you, for everything. I just can't stop thinking about her, what she's going through."

"No problem." B'Elanna replied. "Besides, I have no doubt she's more worried about how you're holding up right now than about herself."

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Mordus hesitated momentarily, staring into Kathryn's eyes. When she felt him against her, for a moment, he saw a flash of naked fear run across her face. It was the first time he had ever seen that reaction from her, and only helped arouse him even more, giving him a sense of empowerment over her that he hadn't quite felt yet. He'd been planning on taking her at some point, but he had waited for the right opportunity. Here it was. It served the bitch for trying to escape.

His hands on her neck fell to her shoulders as he put weight on them to ease her down to the floor. She was already in a weakened state, and couldn't fight him.

"Don't," She hissed, her hands flying to his wrists to try to pry his grip off of her shoulders. As he shoved her down onto her back, she repeated more urgently, obviously fighting down panic, "Don't!"

"Shhh," Mordus whispered, moving his body on top of hers, his hand moving up to her throat again.

Kathryn desperately pushed against him, struggling. Her head was throbbing and her body cried out under his weight. One of his hands was holding her down by the shoulder, his other one was resting near her throat, and his legs were pinning her legs down. He seemed to be having little difficulty holding her down. Unable to do anything else at the moment, Kathryn resorted to clamping her teeth down on his hand.

With an inarticulate curse, he withdrew his hand and brought it back down in a fist against her jaw. Her head bumped the ground with a painful thump. Kathryn felt herself grow dizzy again and her body started to stop responding to her. His hand returned to her shoulder and the other hand grabbed her by the neck. He was choking her once again, and Janeway used both her arms to try to pry him off, becoming desperate for air. She was too much in the struggle to notice what else was going on. She vaguely felt the chilly air against her skin when her pants were torn off.

He relaxed his grip for a moment, allowing her to get a bit of air, then tightened it again while he simultaneously entered her. Janeway would have screamed if she had any air. The pain was horrific. He thrust into her again, harder, and then again, grunting in pleasure. Kathryn knew that her face showed everything she was feeling, the pain, the terror, the humiliation, but she couldn't hide it right now. Mordus feasted in it, staring down into her face as he held her down, simultaneously choking her and thrusting into her. She once again had to focus on the hand gripped around her neck, choking the air out of her. She felt on the verge of passing out, the world spinning around her, seeing Mordus thrust into her but not feeling it. It all seemed ethereal momentarily before he suddenly did a last, hard thrust and convulsed.

His hand around her throat loosened. He fell on top of her, sweaty and panting. Kathryn lay underneath him, unable to get up, helplessly gasping for air.

After he had regained his breath, he glanced down at her. "Don't you ever try to escape again," he repeated. That was all he said. Kathryn moved her head to the side. It was all she could do to keep from shrinking underneath his gaze. He wordlessly got off of her and pulled up his pants. Kathryn wasn't sure when he left the room, but when she finally had the courage to look up again, he was gone. She was too in shock to even cry, to even feel the emotions in the aftermath of her rape. She simply lay still, in shock, until her injuries got the better of her and she passed out.

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Chakotay was watching Tuvok interrogate Renhika. Tuvok had asked her a few meaningless questions about how she had done what she had done. Finally, he asked the one Chakotay was interested in hearing. What her motive was.

She didn't answer Tuvok on this one. She instead looked over Chakotay. "I did it because I love you, Chakotay," She whispered.

"Lieutenant--" Tuvok began, but Chakotay held up a hand to silence him.

"You did it because you love me? How is killing my best friend showing you love me?" Chakotay demanded.

"Because," Renhika said, voice strained. "I knew you loved her too. I-I wanted us to be together, alone. Undisturbed. And you know we never could have done that if she was still around."

Chakotay was in shock. "You did this because I told you--" He stopped short. My god, why didn't I realize how sick this woman is?

Tuvok continued the interrogation, but Chakotay was too stunned to pay any attention. An overwhelming sense of guilt came over him. If it wasn't for him, Kathryn never would have been captured. It's the same as if I killed her with my own hand.

When the interrogation was over, he began to stumble towards the door. Renhika watched him silently for a few moments before she leaped to her feet and called out, "It was the right thing to do, Chakotay! I did it all for you... _It was all in the name of love!_"

Chakotay shuddered before he plunged out into the corridor. Before the doors slid heavily shut behind him, he heard Renhika laugh, her laughter Metallic and unnatural, crying with glee, "_It was in the name of love!_"

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Kathryn woke up. Her memory came back to her, and she felt the panic rise in her again as she relived the experience. She had never felt so humiliated in her life, or so degraded. Kathryn attempted to untangle herself, to sit up, to do something, but she couldn't. She could only lie on the ground, gasping for precious air that both gave her life and burned her hoarse lungs. She wished she could stop hyperventilating, but she couldn't calm down.

Suddenly, a tremor ran through her body and she began to shake violently. She couldn't compose herself, nor could she struggle to help herself; all she could do was curl up in a ball and try not to tremble or freeze to death.

She became aware of how cold she was, but she couldn't do anything about it. The pain was everywhere, both inside and out.

So in this dark room she lay, a humiliated ball of defeat, praying for an end to come. For death to finally come and end her torment.

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She must have been lying like that for hours. She didn't move, she didn't think. She simply saw and felt the blackness and the pain around her. Kathryn stayed like that until a single thought came into her mind: No. This one word brought her out of her unthinking darkness, reviving her mind and opening her eyes, infusing strength into her aching body and purpose into her broken spirit. No! She thought again. She wouldn't let herself lie here, like a victim. She felt strength flow through her veins; she was empowered by the sudden rush of anger that flowed through her. The hatred. It was these single emotions that broke through her darkness and brought her out, willing her to get up, not to give in.

She was on her feet without realizing it, gritting her teeth to keep her legs from going out from under her as she staggered over towards what was left of her pants. She was still unsteady as she pulled them on, composing herself as best as she could. She ran a shaky hand through her mangled hair, feeling the tangles all about. Kathryn felt blind hatred, deeper than any she had ever felt before. It went down to her very bone and fueled her. Janeway soon was as well composed as she could be. She paused, looking around, wondering what she would do.

Finally, she settled on moving back into one of the corners. She leaned back against the wall and slid into a sitting position on the floor, glaring at the door. She would stay awake. When that bastard came into the room again, she would not be taken by surprise.

A few weeks later, Chakotay was sitting in his quarters. His stomach was doing flip-flops. He was as nervous as hell. They were going to reach Shrelton within the next two weeks. It had seemed like Kathryn had been gone for so long, and he wondered if she'd still be alive when they got her back, if they got anything back at all. Tuvok hand warned him that it might be difficult to get her out. First thing was the matter of getting to Shrelton. It was a Gatekeeper Planet, and strictly controlled and populated by Bromalians. The next problem was how they'd find out which gateways went to Axarus. The third problem was how to find Janeway and rescue her from wherever she was.

For Chakotay, there was a fourth problem: How to face her. He didn't doubt that she'd be furious with him when she found out about Renhika, probably pull an "I told you so, Chakotay." He almost hoped she did. Right now, a firm rebuke from Kathryn Janeway was very welcome. He vaguely remembered something he'd believed a while back, before her capture. He'd pledged that to get Janeway, they'd have to fight her to the death, and before that, fight him to the death. And where was I? He wondered. Going around with Renhika. He felt sick. He didn't know who he hated more, Renhika or himself.

The most painful thing about all this was the fact that the last time he'd seen her, they had been angry at one another.

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Kathryn woke up on her stomach, bound hands and feet, with Mordus still asleep on top of her. Since the initial encounter, he'd been coming two to three times every day, treating her more like property than ever. He had stopped asking her questions. He'd simply enter the cell, slam the door behind him, subdue whatever struggle she put up with him, do what he had come to do, and either fall into a deep sleep or wordlessly leave.. In fact, she was in her cell all of the time now, the only company was his and that of the guards who brought in food. Mordus was using her to indulge in whatever sick fantasies he could concoct, trying ever so hard to recapture the fear and desperation from the first time he had forced himself on her. Janeway had refused to give him the satisfaction, no matter what he tried on her. He had asked her questions about the ship, but she still wouldn't budge on that. However, he didn't seem so angry about her not answering his questions anymore. Not like that mattered.

When Mordus finally woke up, he cut off the ropes and was dressed, leaving without a word.

Janeway stumbled out of the bed and managed to pull on the tattered remains of her clothes. A guard came in to give her a meal, the same Brexian Pokash that he always brought. Janeway couldn't help feeling his gaze on her, a dirty look. She felt so dirty, like she was a whore of some kind. Her humiliation must have been evident, for he smirked at her before he left.

Kathryn eyed the Pokash with a sick feeling in her stomach. She remembered it from when Mordus had given it to her the first day in his presence. She had thought it tasted good at the time. Now she hated it. It tasted like cardboard. The worst thing was that it reminded her, more than anything, of Mordus.

Her stomach was growling. If she wasn't starving, she wouldn't even have looked at the Pokash. Now, she cupped her hand (she wasn't allowed any more utensils) and scooped up a bit, bringing it to her mouth. She almost gagged, and her stomach did a flip. She spat it out quickly lest she puke.

Kathryn sank down to the floor right besides the bed. This room had become hell for her. This cell. It was so small and enclosed, and nothing but bad things happened to her in here. It was her prison. She closed her eyes, fighting back as a sense of claustrophobia came over her. She'd never been very claustrophobic before. It had never quite affected her. After the box, she had it slightly more. Now, this room that was about half the size of her quarters seemed like it was closing in around her. Kathryn bowed her head, closing her eyes. The darkness behind her eyes was vast, going on forever and ever. Like space.

She briefly wondered if she'd ever see space again, if she'd ever leave this planet. Her thoughts drifted to Voyager, wondering how they were doing right now. They began to focus on Chakotay. Kathryn felt despair rush through her as she thought of him. Throughout her entire imprisonment, her thoughts had invariably wandered to him. She always fought them off, tried to think of something less painful, but he was always there. She wished that she hadn't been on bad terms before they left. If she was never going back, she didn't want him to remember her like she was then. She wanted him to remember her like she was on New Earth, the most peaceful time in her life. Longing shot through her for that peaceful setting. The woods around them, meadows and streams, the monkey, and of course, Chakotay.

Gentle Chakotay.

She opened her eyes to face her reality. She was in a gray colored cell, imprisoned by a sadist out to own her who had repeatedly raped her over the past three weeks, her body was sore all over, and she was on the verge of giving in to her despair, on the verge of breaking.

Kathryn knew that with concentrated torture, she would have broken already, but that's not what Mordus wanted. He wanted her to give up because of him, to submit entirely, body and soul, to him. She closed her eyes once again, seeing the darkness that stretched infinitely in all directions. She longed for this darkness more than anything. It seemed as if it was calling for her.

It was in that moment Janeway seriously began to consider answering the call, traveling into the eternal darkness. It could only mean peace. It couldn't possibly be as painful as her life. She could exist in an oblivion, not even knowing that she was dead.

The thought was so tempting. Voyager seemed so far away. So very far away...

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When they finally reached Shrelton, Chakotay managed to bribe a Bromalian Captain into allowing an away team to be smuggled on his ship. Chakotay left Paris in charge of the ship, and he, Tuvok, Torres and Carne were taken down to the surface. There were many very wealthy parts of the planet, and many very poor parts. They stayed in the slums, blending in fairly well, seeing as there were mostly aliens in the bad parts.

There was a large building where something like two hundred people were sleeping. They decided to stay there, sleeping in the dirty hallways. They were dark, dank, and smelled like defecation. There were open windows (no glass) and stained walls. "Pretty disgusting," Torres murmured.

"Lieutenant, such comments are not conducive to the efficiency of this mission," Tuvok told her.

Torres shot him a withering look, then her eyes once again flickered around the hall.

"Hopefully," Chakotay said, "this won't take too long. I want to find the Captain as soon as possible." He glanced around, then turned to Torres. "You and Carne find a suitable place in here for us to stay--"

"You actually think there will be a suitable place in this shithole?" B'Elanna asked. She was somewhat out of her element today, but she gestured for Carne to follow her nonetheless.

"Tuvok, let's get started. We need to find those gateways and find out how to make them work," Chakotay said. Tuvok nodded and they proceeded to leave the building.

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"What's wrong with you?" Mordus demanded, curious as to why she wasn't putting up much of a fight.

Kathryn didn't even hear the question. She had her eyes closed. Her mind was off in the darkness, as if it was an out of body experience. It didn't matter what happened to her, he'd never be able to get to her when she wasn't there.

Mordus finished what he had come to do, then he lay and relaxed. He ran his hands briefly over her body, studying it. "You're too skinny. You look like a skeleton. It's quite unattractive," He commented. "You haven't been eating very much lately. Don't make me get someone to stick a tube down your throat." She still didn't reply. He was irritated by her lack of response, which he considered defiance. "Open your eyes." When she still did nothing, he slapped her across the cheek, then forced her eyelids open with two fingers. Kathryn still did nothing, and he stared at her for a moment, then let them snap closed.

"Lord Mordus!" One of his men called from outside. "You have a transmission coming in!"

Mordus stared down at Janeway once more. "I'll be there!" He called back. He stood up and was out of the room in a few seconds. Kathryn didn't feel any sense of relief. Instead, she just knew that he'd be back. She wanted to die. At least if she was dead, her torture would be over. She stared for a bit longer at the blackness before she finally opened her eyes again to see the gray room.

This room had become her universe. Within its walls was her entire existence. Her entire life, all her accomplishments, had come down to this. Second in her class at the academy, distinguished service during the Cardassian conflict, achieving Captaincy at the young age of thirty-one... It ended here. Being completely controlled by another person who appeared occasionally in this room of hers. She had gone from being a proud Starfleet Captain to being a virtual slave in just a short time. Or so long a time. It was a small amount of time overlooking her entire life, only about five months, and yet it seemed like she had been here for all of eternity.

She knew it wouldn't last too much longer. When Mordus was satisfied that he had completely conquered her, then he'd complete the job. He would kill her. She knew it, and took comfort in the thought. She wouldn't be here forever. It would be over eventually, and she'd be able to rest.

A faint feeling of claustrophobia came over her again. Yet, now it was somewhat comforting. The walls were so close, and it was comforting. She wasn't safe within them, but the rest of the universe wouldn't see her like this, wouldn't see her shamed and humiliated like she was. The walls were both her jailer and her protector, her shield from the universe.

She heard the door unlock, and Mordus was back in, a few minutes after he'd left. "I have some business on Shrelton. I don't trust you alone with the guards." He tossed a bundle at her. "Put those on."

Kathryn gingerly picked up the clothes after he'd left. They were all black and fairly intact. It was just a shirt and pants. She peeled off her clothes and slipped these on. Mordus must have used her old uniform to decide the size. Even so, they hung around her body, not showing any of her form. She stared at it for a moment, then sat back in wait of him.

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Chakotay and Tuvok were watching the Gateways open and close from the shadows. Tuvok held up a tricorder, trying to figure out how they worked. "Well...?" Chakotay asked.

"Commander, they appear to be fairly complex. It will take more time to learn to operate them," Tuvok replied. Chakotay nodded and allowed him to continue his work. After a few minutes, Tuvok announced, "I believe I have compiled the data I need. We should come back later when it is less crowded."

Chakotay nodded, and they turned away to go back to their building.

Less than a minute after they left, Mordus came out with Janeway next to him and one of his guards behind her.

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Janeway was overwhelmed by the sunlight and the sky. Axarus never had any sun, and she hadn't been outside in nearly five months. The sky seemed to hang around her, infinite in all directions, and underneath it she felt so small and exposed.

She unconsciously took a step closer towards Mordus, almost as if for protection from the sky. It momentarily flashed through her head the irony of seeking protection from her tormentor, but then she forgot about it as she began to feel sick. The sky was so luminous, so vast. She began to feel disoriented and her walk was somewhat unsteady.

Mordus gripped her arm, and he noticed how pale she had grown, and how close she was walking to him. In that moment, Mordus realized just how much control he had acquired over this woman. It gave him a feeling of elation just thinking about it, and he glared at the guard who was just a bit too close to her. "Step back a few feet."

The guard did as he was told, and Mordus explained, "We're going to the transmission center. I'll only be in there for a few minutes. You'll wait outside, and watch her. You're my best man, and I want to trust you with her." The guard nodded obediently. Mordus let go of Kathryn, and as he handed her to the guard, he whispered, "You touch her, I'll skin you." Then he disappeared into the building.

The guard stood far enough away from Janeway not to have Mordus get the wrong idea, but close enough so that he could catch her in case she tried to bolt. Personally, he didn't think she'd try to run even if she was left alone. She looked like an animal trapped in a thermal light, standing as close to the building as she could. It could be a shock, he knew, coming to a regular world after being on Axarus for so long. Janeway's gaze was drifting around, stunned at the sheer numbers of people overflowing the marketplace.

She noticed a few food stands. At one of them, a tall, dark man was standing, and a shorter dark haired man were. She felt a surge of recognition go through her, and, for a moment, she thought she was seeing things. She blinked briefly, and then knew she was not. My god, that's Chakotay and Tuvok! Something came back to life in her that had been dead for a long time, and without hesitation, she turned to the guard and brought her knee up to his groin. He was taken aback by her attack, and as he doubled over in pain, she shoved him back against the wall.

Kathryn took off as fast as she could in her present state, screaming to Chakotay and Tuvok. The noise of the crowd droned her calls out, and the two men were oblivious to her presence. She was caught in the crowds, trying to weave her way around waves of people. She let out a cry of frustration when one plume of people after the other packed in before her, no matter how hard she pushed, or how fast she ran. They didn't seem to pay much attention to her, and didn't move to make way for the woman. The man with the gun, however, was far more imposing. Janeway had failed to lose him in the crowd, and all the people quickly moved aside to make way when they saw his weapon. He reached her as she was taking another breath to call them one last time. He took the butt of his weapon and hit her across the back, knocking her down to the ground. He then proceeded to continue to beat her as the crowd cleared a circle around them.

Chakotay noticed the crowd gathering in one tight spot, as did Tuvok. "What's going on?" Chakotay inquired with a man who had just come from the crowd.

"Oh, some man's probably beating up a slave. It happens all the time." The man replied, the he disappeared into the crowds as well.

"Maybe we should help," Chakotay said, gazing with a dark look on his face towards the ruckus.

"Commander, we are focused on rescuing the Captain. It is vital that we remain as inconspicuous as possible, and quell your... humanitarian impulses," Tuvok replied. Chakotay glanced over at the crowd again, eyes troubled, but nodded his agreement.

"You're right. Let's go back to the building."

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"Idiot. You're lucky I was able to catch up to her, or God knows where she'd have escaped to!" Janeway heard Mordus's harsh words to the guard as she slowly regained consciousness.

"I didn't think--"

"No, you didn't think! That's your problem!" Mordus's voice lowered menacingly. "Understand this, Bradin-- if she escapes on your watch, you won't pay the price. It will be your wife, your mother, your kids, your friends, do you hear me? They will pay for your incompetence! Now get out of my sight! I'll watch her myself tonight."

She was more in despair right now than ever. She knew just how close she had been to escape. If only-- There was still a chance. Chakotay and Tuvok were nearby, if only she could get a message to them. But how?

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Chakotay jumped when his communicator chirped. He had given specific orders to Voyager not to send any transmissions. They weren't going to use their communicators except when they beamed up. Voyager was in low orbit, hidden from all sensors, ready to beam them up as soon as the word was given.

He tapped it. "Chakotay here." There was no response, but the communicator chirped again. And then again. Suddenly, something dawned on him.

"Tuvok, come here." He whispered. A few minutes later, they had tracked the source of the transmission. Someone was signaling them. As Chakotay and Tuvok set off to find the source, the signal abruptly cut off.

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"What the hell did you think you're doing with my equipment!" Mordus demanded, ripping it out of Janeway's hands. Janeway didn't reply, but she took a few steps back, knowing what was coming. Her back hit the wall, and she could only wait.

"Answer me!" He growled. "Who were you signaling!"

When she still didn't answer, he raised the communications box above his head and slammed it across her face. It felt like being hit with an anvil, and she fell like a stone, bracing herself for the imminent beating.

"Insolence, two actions of insolence today alone!" He yelled, and he grabbed his rifle and used it as a club once again, swinging it again and again at her. Janeway lost count as he pummeled her. Finally, he swung it, full-force, and connected it with the back of her skull. Janeway slipped instantly into blackness, the pain fading away.

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Mordus didn't drop the rifle until thick, red blood began to spill onto the floor in a puddle about her head, and for a moment, he seriously wondered if he had done it this time, if he had killed her. He was going to pick her up and carry her to a doctor, but common sense told him that carrying her might cause her more damage.

I should leave her to die. It's more than she deserves, he thought... but couldn't bring himself to do it. It reminded him of his childhood, when his favorite pet was dying. It was useless to him, but it was his, and he still had to protect it. He took a few steps back, regretting sending Bradin home, then hurried out the door, not bothering to close it behind him, to get a doctor.

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When they arrived, they found a small residence. They continued through the rooms, searching for her. "Commander!" Tuvok called.

Chakotay hurried into the room where she lay, surrounded by a pool of her own blood, a few of her limbs twisted at an unnatural angle, clearly broken. "Is she alive?" Chakotay asked breathlessly, dreading the answer.

Tuvok felt her pulse. "I believe so, but her pulse is very faint. We must get her back to the ship immediately." Chakotay nodded, and he tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Torres,"

"Torres here."

"We found her. Signal the ship."

"Is she alive?" Torres asked.

Chakotay paused. "We're not sure yet."

TBC


	5. Part V

IN THE NAME OF LOVE

She was lying asleep on a biobed. Chakotay watched her, relieved that she was alive and yet sad at the same time. She was so thin. Her skin looked like it had been stretched thin over her face, and there were deep shadows under her eyes from both her weight loss and lack of sleep. The Doctor had worked for nearly two days straight to repair all her injuries. She had a severe concussion and internal bleeding. The Doctor had been forced to add a sort of gel underneath her skin to support her skeletal structure until she had fully rejuvenated, otherwise her hip bones might cut right through her skin.

It had been almost a week since she was rescued. The Doctor had kept her unconscious to let her body have the chance to fully recover. Chakotay probably would have waited in sickbay the whole week if the Doctor hadn't used security to keep him out. The Doctor would not allow anyone to visit her since she had been rescued, not disclosing any reasons for it. Now, he finally allowed Chakotay to come when he believed that Janeway would awaken soon. She had a restraining field over her to prevent her from moving too much while her body was still adjusting to the gel.

"You needn't worry about her, Commander," the Doctor told him, coming up from behind Chakotay. "She'll be perfectly recovered, if she takes care of herself, within the next two months or so."

"If she takes care of herself," Chakotay countered, without looking away from Kathryn.

"It's true that the captain's notorious when it comes to ill health; she's a regular doctor's worst nightmare." the Doctor replied. "She never ate enough, slept enough, took enough breaks from duty. However, I've noticed that after near brushes with death, patients usually begin to take better care of themselves, at least for a while."

Chakotay glanced back at him momentarily. "I sure hope so. Either way, she's better off than she was with the Bromalians."

"You have no idea." The Doctor replied.

Chakotay shifted. "Doctor, I've been getting the impression you aren't telling me everything."

"If I haven't, Commander," the Doctor said, "It's because of patient-doctor confidentiality. Surely you can understand that." Chakotay was about to speak when he heard an intake of breath from behind him. He immediately turned back around to notice Kathryn stirring.

"I believe she's regaining consciousness. I'll leave you two alone." The Doctor retreated back into his office. . A few seconds later, Kathryn opened her eyes.

"Welcome back," Chakotay whispered. Janeway didn't reply, but her eyes met his, and she glanced around the room, as if in a daze.

"Are you feeling all right?" He asked. She stared at him, in shock, for a moment before she nodded mutely. Chakotay impulsively reached out a hand to touch her face, and she stiffened and shrank back. He was surprised by her reaction, and let his hand drop back to his side.

"We got your message." Chakotay whispered, determined to keep talking to her. "If you hadn't sent that, we probably would never have found you. I don't know how you knew we were on the planet."

She flinched, as if remembering something, but still didn't speak to him.

"Listen," Chakotay began. "I know we weren't exactly getting along when-- before you were gone, but I hope we can still reconcile all that." When he still didn't receive a response, he said, "If you want me to leave you alone--"

"No," she interrupted, a note of urgency in her voice and on her face. It faded away as quickly as it had come. "Please stay."

"So, she can speak," He said, a shadow of a smile on his lips as he tentatively reached out, then he took her hand in his. "Is there anything I could do for you?" He asked. "Anything at all?"

She stared at him blankly for a second, then answered, "How long until I return to duty?"

"Not anytime soon," Chakotay told her firmly. He saw resentment flare up in her eyes, as if she believed he was challenging her authority, and he quickly said, "The Doctor just performed a surgical operation on you. It may take a week or so for you to be in condition to even walk."

"What kind of surgery?" She demanded, her voice still not very loud. It occurred to him for the first time that it was only quiet because she couldn't make it any louder.

"He'll explain that to you later," He replied.

Janeway paused for a second, as if in thought. She didn't look so fragile to him now that she was awake, but there was something different about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on. "Did Neelix escape?"

Chakotay nodded. "He got away in the nick of time. He told us about your abduction, but we didn't arrive at the planet in time to save you."

"How did the Bromalians know where we were?" She asked. Chakotay paused. He wanted to step around this subject for the moment, or at least until she was in better shape.

"We can go over the technicalities later--"

Her voice was sharp, and had an edge to it like he'd never heard before when she said angrily, "I want to know now. How the hell did they know where I was?"

"Kathryn, try to calm down--"

This made her even more furious. "Damn it, don't patronize me, Chakotay! Tell me how they knew!" When he still wouldn't reply, she said, in a voice that would have been a yell if she had full strength, "Damn you! I don't want to be protected from the truth!"

"Renhika did it." Chakotay blurted out.

The fury in Kathryn's face faded into bleak shock. "What do you mean?"

"She heard at the senior staff meeting about your negotiation." Chakotay had to fight back his emotions, his shame about admitting this. "She sent a message to the Bromalians, she sabotaged the warp core. She set the whole thing up." He finally said it, waiting for Kathryn's explosion. Who had he been protecting? Had he been protecting her or had he been protecting himself? Kathryn's face didn't grow angry like the woman he once knew would have. Instead, it paled a little, but there was a sense of resignation coming from her.

"Why?" Her voice was once again low and quiet.

" Because, she was... jealous of you." He replied. "Jealous of the... the friendship between us." Kathryn stared up into his eyes... no, she wasn't staring into his eyes. She was looking right below his eyes, at his nose. It dawned on Chakotay that she hadn't looked him squarely in the eyes like she used to this whole time. She had been staring just below them, or in the spot in between his eyes.

"Jealous?" She whispered. Kathryn didn't say another word to him, but her gaze drifted to the ceiling and remained there. Chakotay stayed by her side until she was once again asleep. He was reluctant to leave her, but he still had to do his duties to the ship. He vowed to himself to help her recovery as best as he could. It was the least he could do.

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"Chakotay!" B'Elanna called out, a few days later. She ran to catch up with him in the corridor. "How is she?" She asked when she was at his side.

"Why don't you go and see her yourself?" Chakotay asked. The mood of the ship had grown lighter than it had been in months. Everything was getting back to normal. They were on course to the Alpha Quadrant and Janeway was back. The only unrest was the hostility towards Renhika.

"I would have. Tom and I actually tried, but the Doctor said that there were to be no visitors except for you and Tuvok, Captain's orders," B'Elanna replied.

"I can't believe that," Chakotay said. "Surely there's a mistake of some kind."

"Well, you can see her, why don't you ask her yourself?" B'Elanna's suggestion seemed reasonable, but if Kathryn didn't want visitors, then he didn't want to push it on her. "I'm sure the Captain has good reasons for what she does," Chakotay assured her. "It's probably nothing personal against the rest of you... lower officers." If B'Elanna hadn't heard the jest in his voice, she probably would have belted him. Instead, she playfully elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well, at least now the love between the two of you can thrive unimpeded." She said, smiling.

"Well, I'm going to give her a bit of time first." Chakotay said. "Five months in enemy hands. She hasn't told me anything about it, but I can only imagine what they put her through."

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Janeway was awake once again, somewhat relieved that Chakotay wasn't in the room. The Doctor was deactivated. and she was left lying in the darkened sickbay in silence. She felt isolation again, and was somewhat comforted by it. She couldn't seem to feel comfortable around others. She felt that if she made one slip, they'd know everything... Kathryn felt her insides flip in her stomach, and she couldn't help but feel shame. Why hadn't she ever given Mordus more of a fight? She might have been able to fight him off, if only just one of those times, she might have saved herself a little.

She felt revulsion choke her up and she rolled over onto her side. She didn't deserve her crew. Her confidence was gone, replaced by a self-loathing Kathryn had never felt the likes of in her life. It seemed to her like every decision she had made recently, minor ones, such as what she wanted for dinner, came slowly to her, rolling into her mind like a stone as if she had not ever thought for herself before. Chakotay-- She felt so distant from him. She needed him. Someone who she could talk to about everything. And yet- it seemed to her as if he was separated inexplicably.

If I had said 'yes' to him that night, this never would have happened. The thought dawned on her. If I hadn't fought with him over Species 8472, none of this ever would have happened. She curled up into a fetal position, her mind going over a thousand alternate scenarios that would have prevented her falling into Mordus's hands. The pain was so terrible on the inside that she could barely focus her mind. It was like the time when Vaila was torturing her. The pain was so great that she couldn't understand anything being said or answer any questions. Now, it was like that and even worse. The only difference was that it wasn't physical pain. And yet, the pain wasn't coming out. It was all packed together in a tight box, weighing down her soul. She couldn't let it out, nor would she dare venture into it. She couldn't face it. Not yet.

Tuvok had once gone over some mind exercises with her, ones that helped a person deal with grief and anguish. She knew that, if she went to him, he would be able to help her.

But that requires a mind meld. She cringed when she thought of Tuvok learning of her weaknesses, when she thought of his contempt, and quickly dismissed the idea. She had spoken to the doctor about returning to duty. He had relieved her of command not only until her body had settled into this gel, but until she reached 90 pounds. Kathryn hadn't realized how much weight she had lost, but it was to be expected. The Doctor had given her injections of what she needed, and she apparently had already gained back five of the pounds she lost. Janeway was looking forward to the prospect of having something other than Brexian Pokash. At this thought, she once again felt revulsion choke her up.

"Captain, is there anything I can do for you?" The Doctor asked. Kathryn felt somewhat comforted by his presence. He was just a hologram and was less perceptive of her than anyone else.

"When can I return to my quarters?" She asked.

"It's not so much a matter of when. You could go back now. However, you're still in need of constant monitoring, and I don't want you to walk yet, so you'd need a person to stay with you. That's the only reason that keeps you here," he replied.

Janeway sighed, and rolled over onto her side. "Could I have a sedative?" She didn't want to lie here all night and relive the entire thing. She just wanted to sleep, to fall into oblivion.

The Doctor seemed reluctant, but soon he pressed a hypo against her neck, and Janeway felt sleep take her.

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When she woke, there was a hand stroking her forehead, gently smoothing back her hair. For a moment, she forgot that she had been rescued and reacted accordingly, flinching and jerking away from the hand.

She opened her eyes, not allowing any sign of her stress escape her... only to see Chakotay. He was staring at her, his dark eyes large and concerned. "Kathryn," he whispered, his voice gentle, "How are you feeling?" She glanced around, realizing that she was in her quarters. "How did I get here?"

"The Doctor said you wanted to return to your quarters and needed supervision, so here I am," He replied.

No, no, no. That's exactly what Kathryn didn't want. Chakotay could always tell when something was wrong. He read her better than anyone on the ship

"You make it sound," Janeway said, trying to cover up her alarm with jest, "Like I'm a child."

He smiled at her, and Kathryn put in an effort to smile back. It was a thin, close-lipid smile, yet it comforted him to see.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked. Kathryn wasn't hungry in the least, but she wanted to gain the weight that was necessary to get back to duty as soon as possible. She nodded to him, and he left the room momentarily, coming back with an unidentifiable substance.

"I hate to make you eat Neelix's food first thing back, but the replicators are all down and I figured you didn't want any combat rations. I would have cooked myself but--"

"It's okay," Kathryn interrupted, sitting up in bed so that she could sit the food on her lap. "Anything other than Pokash would be delicious. Hell, I could even eat some of his leola root soup." Chakotay chuckled, watching as she raised a spoon of it to her lips, not too intently, but just enough that he could be assured of her eating.

The substance at first tasted somewhat unfamiliar to her, then the taste became discernible. She nearly gagged as her stomach churned. It tasted exactly like the pokash. She began to get sick again. "What the hell is this?" She demanded.

Chakotay was puzzled, but took the tray when she handed it back to him. "It's Talaxian Plomaran. You don't like it?"

Kathryn had eaten Pomaran once before she left, and she didn't remember it tasting anything like this. She realized he was waiting for a reply, and she shook her head. "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

He stared for a moment, then he took the tray away.

When he came back, he asked, "Do you need anything else?"

Kathryn sighed. "I just need a sedative." He caulked his head at her. She met his curious gaze and spoke, "Is there something wrong with being tired?"

He hastily shook his head. "No, there's nothing wrong." Still somewhat confused, he reached into the medical kit and sedated her, and she once again slipped into darkness.

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Four days later, Chakotay had arranged to take two weeks off to take care of Kathryn in case she still needed it. He read some reports from one of the chairs in her quarters. After a while, he found his eyelids growing heavy. He started to make his way over to the couch to settle down for the night when he heard her cry out, or at least he thought he did.

He came in to find her tossing and turning in her sleep, mumbling some imperceptible words. Chakotay kneeled by her side and placed a comforting hand on her, running it gently up and down her arm, soothing her. Her eyes popped open and before she was even fully awake she had pulled back away from him, throwing an arm up in front of her, her face haunted. Awareness came fully back to her, and she glanced around as if unaware of her location, slowly lowering her arms and letting her muscles relax. Chakotay was shocked.

He had never seen her actually express... for no better word... fear. She always managed to hide her emotions, to be indifferent to them; this unnerved him, even if it had only been for a split second.

"What did they do to you?" He murmured. Kathryn stared at him for a second, then mutely turned away from him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, watching as she tensed up again when his eight pushed down the side. "Kathryn... I know you're hurting. I--" He started to reach a hand over to her.

"It was just a nightmare, Commander." She snapped. He was broken out of his reverie. He almost drew back his hand, as if burned, but instead, he slowly lowered it onto her shoulder. It was not much, but a silent gesture of support. She stayed tense for a few moments, then relaxed underneath his touch. She didn't say anything to him, though; she just sat, staring at the wall, facing away from him. Telling him would be dealing with the pain, admitting it to herself, and she wouldn't-- she couldn't do that yet. Maybe just a little more time...

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The Doctor had finally said it was all right for her to walk around, with help. Kathryn, helped by Chakotay, made it all the way across her quarters over to her table. She sat down, waiting for Chakotay to lay out breakfast. She grew sick just looking at the oatmeal he was preparing, but when the time came forced the barest minimum down her throat just to calm her growling stomach.

Kathryn happened to venture a look out the window, the first time she had actually done it since her rescue; she noticed the stars rushing by against the black, never-ending tapestry. This sight which had always been so commonplace to her all of a sudden seemed new, and she was shocked by the vastness of the space. The darkness stretched on forever, infinitely. During her confinement, the thought of endless space had been a comfort to her, and yet, when actually encountering it, it was terrifying. Kathryn began to feel the vague, deceptive feeling of her mind drifting, like it had in the box, and she suddenly felt small, insignificant. She quickly averted her eyes to look back at the table. The food was putrid and every single time she noticed it a wave of revulsion went through her. It all-- all of it-- tasted like Pokash.

She let her eyes move up a bit and she focused on Chakotay. Kathryn had begun, over the past few days, to feel threatened by him, in the same way she felt threatened by Mordus. Mordus had violated her, forced her to do his will and reveal things about herself that she would never reveal to anyone. Chakotay-- she felt threatened that he was going to somehow... force her into revealing what she didn't want to reveal, the same way Mordus did. She shuddered. Kathryn, there's no basis whatsoever for comparing Chakotay to Him. And despite her constant reassurances to herself, the threat was still there.

Chakotay noticed her gaze, but he didn't look up. He allowed her to stare at him under the perception he didn't notice for a while longer, allowing her to sort out whatever thoughts were going through her head.

She'd been in a shell ever since she came back, and he'd been trying unsuccessfully to coax her out. He knew she was in pain, and that she wouldn't let herself express it. Kathryn had always been the type to deal with her emotions privately, but he knew this was something she wouldn't be able to deal with on her own. He didn't know what happened to her, but he knew it must be terrible. He had seen her hurt before, but he had never seen her quite like this. He wanted to help her, but he wasn't quite sure how to go about it.

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Janeway entered the bridge around 0200 hours just to avoid a cheerful reception. She knew from experience that Alpha shift would applaud, putting her on the spot. The night shift consisted of junior officers, and they'd be far too intimidated by her to try anything of the sort. She reached the bridge at the startled glances of her crew. They hadn't seen her this entire time, and were surprised and delighted to see her again. Kathryn noticed that some of them were shocked at her appearance, but they still stared at her with the same awe that they always held her in. It had better stay that way, too. She thought to herself, sitting down in her chair.

Kathryn shifted slightly. It didn't feel right. After five months with Chakotay in the chair, the chair had reformed to fit his larger frame. She frowned, but brushed the problem aside, trying to assure herself that this was all right. She was at ease here on the bridge. She wasn't a victim, she was an officer. She was the Captain. It was the closest she could get to recapturing her old life.

Tuvok was the first from the senior staff to arrive. He knew her well enough not to make a fuss over her return, and he coolly nodded to her. Janeway nodded back, grateful that he, at least, would spare her all that nonsense. Chakotay also acknowledged her without ceremony, not making a big deal out of her return. However, he'd been taking care of her for a while, so this wasn't too new to him.

It was a different matter when Paris arrived. Paris immediately headed over to her. "Captain! It's great to see you! How are you--" Janeway wasn't in the mood to answer any questions.

She glanced coolly up at Paris and said, "You're on duty, Lieutenant." Paris was taken aback; he hadn't seen her for so long and she was acting almost as if nothing had ever taken place. But he took his cue with a glance from Chakotay and took his station.

When Kim came on the bridge, his face lit up and he looked like he was going to bound right down to the Captain and tell her when Paris shot him a warning look and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. Harry was puzzled, his face falling slightly, like a dog who's master had just reprimanded him, but he went to his station with only a word of greeting with Janeway.

Kathryn shifted in her command chair, all too aware of the unnatural quiet that had settled over the bridge. Usually, there was faint conversation, or joking around. Today, there was none. She felt Chakotay's eyes on her, but she didn't meet them. Instead, she stared at the floor or at the ceiling, or she watched the back of Paris's head. She didn't need to look out the view screen. It would be terrible if she got sick when people were already so concerned about her.

The sooner I make the transition, the sooner it will all be over.

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They had shaken their pursuit (led by the infamous Vaila Hath'Hart) for a while, and had a chance to go on shore leave. Chakotay invited her to go for a walk with him, and she quietly refused. The last thing she wanted right now was to take a break. She couldn't when she already had so much work to do from neglecting her duties for so long.

She stayed holed up in her ready room for two days straight, going over reports and system's diagnostics, anything to keep her mind busy. Kathryn was put off when Chakotay finally barged his way into the ready room and refused to leave unless she accompanied him to the mess hall. "You need some fresh air." He explained. "The ventilation system makes sure of that for me." Janeway replied, not looking up from her work. He continued to cajole her until she finally agreed to take a break.

Upon entering the mess hall, Janeway began to feel uneasy for a few different reasons. First, the far wall was practically all windows, showing off the vast, expansive space beyond. Second the smell of Neelix's food that reminded her so much of Pokash, which reminded her of her time as a prisoner, which reminded her of Mordus. And third, the numerous crewmembers who had briefly stopped talking to stare at her. Chakotay shot them a glare, and they all turned back to their conversations. She walked half in a daze, following Chakotay to a table. He went to get their food, and Kathryn sat, back to the window, trying to ignore all the curious stares that were once again directed her way. A few people walked up while he was gone and greeted her, and Kathryn tried to muster good humor, but she found it difficult. She was relieved when Chakotay was back, and no one else dropped by.

Neelix hadn't seen her, and she spotted him carrying a tray out of the mess hall. "Where's he going?" Janeway inquired, trying to make small talk to make this meal less awkward.

"Feeding Mehta," Chakotay mumbled almost imperceptibly, staring down at his food and not looking at her.

"She can't stay in the brig forever," she murmured. Chakotay nodded with a bit of a sense of resignation.

"I... I know. We have to have the Captain's evaluation of her before she can be approved..." He faded off, watching Kathryn's eyes. She seemed to be looking at him, and yet her thoughts were very far away. "Listen, I don't think anyone's going to blame you if you don't do it. If you want me to--" He began.

"No. I'm going to do it," Kathryn spoke with conviction. She met his gaze and held a confident front. He seemed to relax slightly when he saw the change in face-- a spark of the old captain coming back to life.

Janeway noticed his change in demeanor throughout the meal-- he didn't patronize her as much, didn't treat her like a fragile flower that would shatter at his touch-- and she was satisfied that she looked confident enough. Now, if only she felt confident.

"So, you're back," Mehta remarked tonelessly, without turning to face Janeway as the captain entered past the lowered force field. One security guard accompanied her, taking a position in the corner of the brig, while the other stood immediately outside the force field which he raised again.

"Surprised?" Janeway asked her, not so much a question as a mild taunt. She began to prepare her padd to input Mehta's answers to each question.

Mehta was watching her intently.

"As a matter of fact, I am. I thought he'd kill you. I hoped he'd kill you. If I had known he'd leave you alive, I probably would have done the deed myself," The woman said.

"Mehta," Janeway said, turning coolly to face the Lieutenant. "I'm doing an evaluation on whether or not you're fit to stay in your quarters or if you'll have to remain here in the brig. I suggest--for your own good-- that you think about that before you speak. Got it?" She wasn't going to let Mehta-- of all people-- see how her imprisonment had affected her. All she would show the woman was the same person that had existed five and a half months earlier.

Mehta settled back on her bed where she was sitting facing Janeway.

"Now," Janeway said, "To get on with the evaluation--"

Mehta laughed bitterly. "I think we all know what the result of this 'evaluation' will be. You hate me, Kathryn, you always have. You'll find me unfit and I'll stay in this shithole for the rest of the journey."

Janeway smiled dryly at her. "At the rate we're going, you're probably right. Now, as for the first question--"

"So what happened? Did anything bad happen to you? Anything at all? Christ, I want to think I destroyed your life somehow." The other woman smiled wickedly to herself. "Why didn't he kill you?"

Janeway ignored her remarks and began, "Do you believe that you can conduct yourself civilly around fellow crewmembers-- i.e. not attacking, threatening, or provoking in any way, shape--"

"I think I know why," Mehta ranted on.

"I'll take that as a no." Janeway imputed the data in the padd.

"I think I know why." Mehta repeated again, louder. Janeway glanced up at the other woman shrewdly. Had she taken leave of her senses during these months? Mehta leaned her elbows onto her knees so she could look squarely at Janeway. "I think you fucked him. Just like you wanted to fuck Chakotay. That's why--"

Kathryn was fed up. "Lieutenant Mehta," Janeway said, standing up. "It's apparent from this evaluation so far that you don't intend on leaving this cell anytime soon. When you feel the need to cooperate, just tell a security guard and I might be able to fit another evaluation into my schedule. Until then," Janeway felt a small rush of triumph as she said, "Enjoy your cell."

Renhika didn't reply, but she tossed a lock of her dark hair over her shoulder and began to laugh, standing up. Janeway ignored her in disgust and signaled the security guard to lower the force field, turning away from Mehta.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the security guard smirk at Mehta, mocking her.

It was that moment that Renhika let out a cry and rushed towards Janeway. Kathryn acted more out of instinct than conscious thought. Before the security guard had a chance to react, Janeway swung her fist around and connected with Mehta's left jaw right before Mehta had a chance to pounce on her. The larger woman twisted and stumbled back, falling onto the floor, shocked by how quickly Janeway had stopped her. The security guards both had their phasers out, and Janeway took the chance to smile at Mehta, a smile that showed all of the contempt she felt for the woman lying before her. How could I ever have dreaded confronting this nutcase?

"Five months in a shithole of a cell didn't slow down my reflexes." She paused as Renhika struggled to get her feet under her. "And yet three months in the brig seems to have slowed yours. Very interesting." With that, she turned and walked out, shutting out all the profanities that Mehta began to scream at her.

When Kathryn entered the corridor, she felt a great weight lifted from her chest. It had taken her so much effort to show her most positive face to Mehta. A matter of pride. She hadn't let that woman feel as if she had won. She glanced back at the door she had just exited and wondered briefly, How did I make so many enemies?

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"We see an end!" Chakotay exclaimed, a large smile lighting up his face as he glanced down at Janeway. Even Tuvok, standing next to him, had relief written on his face.

"An end...?" Janeway asked, confused.

"Long distance scans show Bromalian order activity ends approximately 500 light years from our position," Tuvok noted.

"About six months more," Janeway murmured to herself. Six months.

Chakotay circled around the bridge to stand at the same level as her. "So, what do you think, Captain? Shall we have a celebration? Have Neelix throw a party?" A light of mirth glinted in his eyes.

"We're not out the woods yet, Chakotay," Janeway said, walking resolutely over to her chair and sinking down into it.

"Maybe not, but we see an end. A celebration might help boost morale," Chakotay pointed out, taking his seat next to her. He watched her as she thought over it, trying to see if she had any reaction to the news. His heart sank when he saw the same indifference that she'd held up for the past two months.

Finally, she glanced at him with a shrug and said, "I'll leave it up to you, Commander." She glanced briefly around the bridge. Chakotay recognized it as the gesture she had when she was about to go to the ready room. Kathryn noticed a merriment in the air that hadn't been there this morning. She stood up and said over her shoulder, "You have the bridge, Commander. I'll be in my ready room."

Chakotay waited a few minutes before he followed her. At his entry, Kathryn glanced up. "What can I do for you, Commander?" He approached her slowly, keeping a distance so as not to invade her personal space.

"I ready your report. It's very... brief." He took the seat across from her with an infuriatingly smug expression. Who the hell does he think he is? He's my first officer, not my psychiatrist.

She lowered her eyes to the smooth surface of her desk, willing herself not to give away any sign that she was telling a lie. "There's not much to say. It was very brief." She tried to make it dismissive and indifferent, but he knew her too well.

"Brief!" Chakotay exclaimed. "I don't call five months very brief! I was with the Kazon for two days and I had a longer report than you!" He realized that he had raised his voice and made it quiet down again. "Are you sure you didn't leave anything out? You have that-- box, that device, and then they just dumped you in a cell and left you there for the rest of the time?"

"That's right," Kathryn replied.

He frowned. "Then, Captain, how did you end up on Shrelton, half beaten to death?"

"What are you, my interrogator?" She asked, glaring at him.

"If it concerns the safety of this ship, then I am." He snapped. She winced and he immediately regretted the harshness of his words. His expression softened, and he lowered his voice again. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm just concerned about you. How did you get there?"

Janeway glanced at him, almost meeting his eyes and then averting her gaze to the wall behind him at the last moment. "I don't remember."

"Are you sure--" He began, but she cut him off angrily.

"I said I don't remember! What, do you think I'm lying?" Her gaze was intense, but still not focused into his eyes.

He sighed. "No, I don't think you're lying, Kathryn. I just-- I just think that maybe you should have a mind meld with Tuvok--"

"You do think I'm lying!" Janeway cried incredulously.

"No, I just think it will help you remem-"

She stood up, her mask once again covering up her emotions, and pointed towards the door. Voice edgy, she crowed, "Unless you have anything else to talk about, you're dismissed!"

Chakotay glanced up at her, thinking No, I can't let this happen. He took in a breath to speak when her expression hardened and she said icily, "Dismissed, Commander."

He realized that he wasn't going to get anywhere today, that he had taken the wrong approach with her, and he left. There was nothing else he could do. She wasn't going to talk to him about it, no matter how much he pushed her.

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It was nearly three weeks later with no progress that Chakotay came to the realization that she wasn't about to change. She was cool and precise on duty, performing her job well as always, and yet, she was a different person. She wasn't confronting her pain and dealing with it, she was denying it. Her anguish was so intense that it overrode all of the rest of her emotions, and by suppressing it, she suppressed everything else at the same time.

Chakotay knew he shouldn't expect her to recover right away, but this had gone on for too long. Her demons were in full force, causing her to eat almost nothing, speak even less, stay holed up on the ship during shore leave, and appear on the bridge earlier and earlier to the point where she was getting almost no sleep whatsoever.

Chakotay had seen Cardassian torture victims behave something like this. He knew from experience that giving the person space was good, but there comes a certain point where if you don't interfere, they never recover-- usually the person killed themselves to stop the demons. The downward spiral in the aftermath usually required help, from a psychiatrist or a counselor. Unfortunately, there was no one onboard in that position, so Chakotay had to take matters into his own hands.

He arranged with Torres for he and Janeway to have an hour and twenty-two minute turbolift malfunction. They had the same shift, so they would usually exit the bridge at the same time. It was underhanded tactics, he knew, but every time he tried to be alone with her, she'd find some excuse to leave.

When the day came, he and Kathryn were riding wordlessly in the lift. She had fatigue written all over her face, although she tried to hide it behind her mask of indifference. She stumbled and nearly fell when the turbolift abruptly jerked to a halt. Chakotay grabbed her arm to balance her. She jerked away from him like his touch was fire and glanced around.

"Janeway to engineering," She said. Kathryn grew frustrated when she tried it a second time and got no response. She balled up a fist and hit the wall, an unusual display of agitation on her part. Chakotay quirked an eyebrow at her, and she gave him an almost-sincere, sly smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's all right," He said as he leaned back against the wall to slide into a sitting position. Kathryn glanced at him momentarily, shifting her balance awkwardly from foot to foot, before she followed suit and sat, back against the far wall. They sat in silence for a few awkward minutes before Chakotay dared brooch the forbidden subject.

"You know," Chakotay spoke up, "I wish Kes was still onboard."

Janeway smiled faintly. "I miss her too."

He nodded. "You might at least talk to her."

Janeway grew agitated when she realized the direction this conversation was heading. She closed her eyes. "It's none of your business, Commander." Her voice was low as she opened them again and said, "I'm okay, it's over. Let's just move on."

"No, you're not okay. That's fairly obvious, Kathryn. You still can't seem to eat anything, you avoid people, and you're jumpy all of the time now. You say, 'Let's move on', but you are the one who isn't moving on."

She flared up at this. "Well, forgive me if I can't bounce right back from it! The Kazon had you for two days; the Bromalians had me for five long months! You want me to talk about it, but it's not as easy as you want it to be!" she said angrily, displaying more emotion than he'd seen in a long time. He took that as a good sign.

"You haven't told anyone about your time there, Kathryn." He inched a little closer. "You have a whole ship of people that care about you, and they want to help you. I just wish you could trust us. Trust me."

Kathryn laughed bitterly. "That's all I get nowadays, isn't it? People want to help me, people feel sorry for me. I'm damn sick of it, Chakotay! I just want everything to be as it was, to return to my old life and the way people would treat me then, not this! I can't stand it, Chakotay; I can't stand people treating me like I'm going to break any moment now!"

"People feel sympathy for you," Chakotay roared, standing up, "Because for five long months, we didn't know if you were dead or alive! We were worried sick about you! I was worried sick about you, Kathryn! Every night, I'd lie awake wondering if there was some way I could have prevented it, if I had just been there, or seen Renhika for who she was sooner! If I hadn't been angry with you, then maybe, just maybe, I could have saved you. And now you're back, and we still feel as if we've lost you! Kathryn, you have to understand, your pain is our pain. As long as you hurt, I'll hurt."

Kathryn stood up, her eyes shooting daggers at him and she said with a chilly voice, "So, that's what this is about. You want to ease your own pain, isn't that it, Commander? Don't even say this is on the pretensions of helping me; you're just trying to ease your own conscience. The only one you're worried about is yourself!"

Chakotay stood, wide-eyed, staring at her in a shocked, openly vulnerable state. "Kathryn," he didn't hide the pain the statement had caused, and for the first time since she had been rescued, she felt her heart wrench. "You know that's not true." He said quietly, somewhat meekly, then he sank back down to the ground. Without realizing it, Janeway found herself sitting on the ground again, too.

"Look," she finally found her voice again, "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I didn't mean that."

He shook his head. "No, it's my fault, Kathryn. I shouldn't have forced you to speak about the subject."

"Well, we're trapped in a turbolift, and we don't seem to talk about anything else anymore," she whispered, leaning back against the wall with a sigh.

"I'm sorry about trapping us in here, too." Janeway glanced up at Chakotay, in the eye for the first time.

"You-- you did this?" She asked. Chakotay wasn't sure how she'd react, so he nodded mutely. Kathryn stared at him in shock for a moment, then a flush stole over her face. Chakotay inched closer to her, concerned, but was halted in his steps when a faint chuckle escaped her lips. It grew into full laughter

.Chakotay chuckled with her, glad to see something he hadn't seen in a long time. His laughter died off when a pained expression came over her face, but she was still laughing.

Kathryn felt the walls collapsing around her as she struggled to stop doing what she was going to do. Am I going to laugh or am I going to cry? She wondered. Suddenly, more than anything, she wanted someone else. She wanted someone to shine through the darkness. As she realized it, her eyes began to sting with unshed tears, the tears she had held back for the nine months. She tried to fight them, but as Chakotay's arms came up around her, cradling her, sensing her emotions, suddenly she didn't want to fight them anymore. She had spent her entire life doing things on her own, dealing with everything in her own way, and now, she wanted nothing more than to let someone else have the burden for a while. She just wanted to give in to the pain that threatened to destroy her, even if just for a little while.

He felt her body, stiff in his arms, begin to relax, letting out the flood of emotions. It was all coming out, cleansing her soul, the repressed pain and despair and humiliation.

Her arms were around his waist, clutching him. He did the best he could to comfort her, kicking himself for not taking such aggressive steps earlier. Finally, her crying died down when the strength left her. She didn't seem asleep, just exhausted. She was limp in his arms, her eyes smoky and distant.

He gently brushed the remaining tears off of her cheeks, thanking the designers of Voyager that her quarters were so near the turbolift. He knew she wouldn't want her crew to see her cracked resolve.

The lights finally powered back up as the turbolift resumed its destination. When it halted, he checked the corridor. Seeing no one, he lifted her up into his arms and carried her to her quarters. He lay her down on her bed. She had taken a big step already today, and he was about to leave when he heard a faint, "Wait." Chakotay turned back around. Kathryn was sitting up, her legs dangling over the side of the bed. "Please don't go. If-- if I don't speak now, I don't know if I ever will."

He slowly approached her again, and he was about to take a seat next to her on the bed when her unmasked emotions showed a flash of panic across her face. "Do you want to go sit on the couch?" He asked her. Kathryn nodded, and she gingerly got up, clutching onto his arm as they approached the other room. They sat down on the couch, and he sat close enough so that she could feel his presence, but not too close as to alarm her.

Kathryn closed her eyes for a few moments, trying to collect her thoughts. Finally, she whispered, "I don't want to fight with you."

Chakotay laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "I don't want to fight with you, either. I promise you, I'll never get into a worthless rivalry like that with you again."

She smiled, a genuine smile that reached her eyes, and she took his hand, pledging her own promise without words. She felt a new sort of closeness with him, one that she had forgotten, one she hadn't felt since their fight right before her ordeal. It gave her a comfort, a sense of security.

"Chakotay," She whispered. "I don't want you to be-- to be ashamed of me." Kathryn desperately wished she could find better wording, and faltered, not sure where to go from here.

He lifted up her chin in one of his hands and he caressed her cheek. "Kathryn, I'd never be ashamed of you, no matter what. If you told the Bromalians anything, I'm sure we'd all understand, and I would understand. Five months--"

"I didn't!" She declared.. "I didn't tell them anything. I just--" She nearly choked when she found herself fighting back tears again.

"Just let it out." Chakotay whispered, pulling her to him once again. She leaned into his arms, into the comfort the protection he offered. Protection from herself.

"You- you know most of it," she whispered. He didn't say anything, just stroked her hair, his breath falling at an even rhythm. She kept her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat, feeling it rise and fall.

She closed her eyes and relished the feeling of him as she recounted her horrific tale. She told him about Mordus, how he had saved her life, and how kind he was the first few weeks of her time with him, then of how he started getting more and more possessive.

"When I was in Mordus's captivity, he wasn't trying to get information from me. That-- that man wanted me for something else-- for a sense of..." she faded off with a shaky breath. "I'm still not quite sure what he wanted. It was like he wanted to... to own me. And he became worse and worse as it went along." Her courage faltered, and Chakotay held her securely, allowing her the time she needed to continue. Tears once again began streaming down her face as she said, "I tried to escape once, but he caught me. When he dragged me back to the cell, he beat me, severely. Then he-- he," she choked back her tears, but was unable to contain them as she sobbed, "It was humiliating. It was so humiliating. I tried to fight... but I couldn't. It was like I had slowed down..."

Chakotay held her in his arms, feeling the blood burning through his veins as he realized what she was saying. He held her to him, comforting her, at the same time trying to hold down the murderous rage that tore at him. "It got worse as time went on, too." She was saying. "He would try the... make me do the most... degrading things he could imagine. He didn't care about the information, he just got pleasure out of my pain. And by the end, I wouldn't even fight him."

Her voice broke as she once again felt sobs begin to rack her throat. "I don't know why I gave up. I-- it was a weak thing to do. I should never have--"

"Kathryn," Chakotay whispered vehemently into her ear, "What that bastard did to you was not your fault. Don't you ever blame yourself. Don't ever." She clung on to him. Kathryn related more to Chakotay, more in detail, getting it out of her system. When she finally was done, she was trembling, the stress of the past nine months wearing her out. He brushed his lips lightly against her forehead, his arms holding her protectively to his chest, as if he could protect her from her past. She was so vulnerable at this moment that he wondered how anyone-- anyone could hurt her like Mordus had. He was shaking too, out of rage, feeling the long suppressed hatred of his earlier life resurfacing in him.

"I promise you one thing," he whispered, his voice shaking with anger, "I will kill him. I swear to god, I'll rip his throat out for what he did to you."

"No," she said firmly, finding herself suddenly in the position of giving comfort to him as he had to her. "No, just let it go. He's light years from here, and there's no way you'll ever get him."

Chakotay pulled back at arm's length. "But after what that man did to you... he can't just get away with it. I don't know how--"

"This is exactly what he'd want!" Janeway snapped. "He'd want us tearing ourselves apart to get at him. He's too powerful, too high up, we'd never be able to get to him. Let it go, Chakotay. It's the only way we can beat him. The only way we can win."

He drew her to him again, and they held each other for hours, finding mutual comfort in one another's arms.

After he left, she had no trouble sleeping. She had pleasant dreams about Chakotay and Voyager, not the terrible nightmares she'd been having for ages.

In the days that followed, she began to change, brimming with a new found confidence, one that she thought she'd lost, a feeling of orientation. Space was no longer luminous and intimidating, she could eat food without thinking of her imprisonment. She was no longer a stranger in a strange land, no longer an outsider. She felt something new; she was herself again. She was Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager, and no one was going to change that. No matter how much they tortured her, no matter what they did, they'd never take her identity from her again. Never.

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After five months of rigorous fighting and hardship, they exited Bromalian space. The ships that had been constantly pursuing them were called off, not daring to venture into unknown territory. When Tuvok announced their exit over the speakers, applause and cheering broke in all regions of the ship. They had survived the most dangerous leg of their journey with few casualties. They had defied the Order successfully, and in the end, they had prevailed, in the end, a more united crew than they ever had been before.

Amidst the applause on the bridge, Janeway and Chakotay shared a glance. This had a special meaning for the two of them. They had come through the most difficult and turbulent times in their relationship and through their hardship, were closer than they ever had been.

Confined in her quarters, former Lieutenant Renhika Mehta was sulking, thinking of opportunities lost, ones she'd never had. I should have killed her myself, She thought angrily. She knew from the last time Chakotay had filed a report about her that he was perfectly happy out there without her, glowing with a new light, probably running around with Janeway at that. At that thought, Mehta was hit by the realization that she was a failure. She sat back down on the bed in the quarters that had become her cell and wallowed in her misery.

On the planet Rekresh, High Admiral Amaroth, in his rage and chagrin at his failure to apprehend Voyager, banished Mordus. He took away all of Mordus's possessions, his wealth, his title, and put a contract worth 2,000,000 in standard currency on his head (the most adamant of the bounty hunters being none other than Mordus's ex-associate, Vaila Hath'Hart).

He didn't especially hold a grudge against his old friend, but he needed someone to take the fall. He was immensely upset by the word that resistance groups had earned literally millions of new members from this recent, unprecedented turn of events, and he sat in his office, rubbing his head in stress. The Bromalian Order was crumbling apart around him and he could do nothing to stop its fall.

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Chakotay was sitting in his quarters that very same night. Kathryn was across from him, devouring the food he'd cooked. Her appetite had returned with a vengeance, with the force of a starving person's.

Later, they were sitting together on the sofa, talking. "Do you remember a time long ago," he began, "When I asked you if there was a future for us?"

Kathryn looked over at him from where she had been gazing dreamily out at the stars and mutely nodded. Chakotay then said, "You told me no."

She leaned back into the couch, studying him. Then she spoke, "That was a long time ago. A lot has happened since then."

Chakotay raised his eyebrows. "How much has happened?"

"A lot." Kathryn smiled. "Have you ever heard that everything happens for a reason? When I was in captivity, all I knew was how haunted I was that you and I... During what I thought was the last time we'd ever seen each other, were mad at one another, how sorry I was that I left so many things unsaid." She sighed. "I'm just sorry that it took... my ordeal, to see you for what you are to me." She had never spoken, even on New Earth, so openly about their relationship before.

"And what might that be?" Chakotay asked, playful jest in his eyes, but underneath he was very serious.

Kathryn didn't reply, but she leaned towards him. He closed his eyes and his lips met hers, hungrily pressing against her softness. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, and her arms crept up around his large frame. The kiss was powerful, and yet so gentle at the same time.

When they finally broke the kiss, they stared into each other's eyes. Kathryn took his hands in her hands, a silent promise to him. It was going to happen, just it was going to go slowly. She still wasn't fully over her ordeal, probably she never would be, but she was living again, and that was the important thing.

They both found themselves looking out the window at the stars rushing by and the vast, open space. It dawned on both of them at the same time that this was not only the beginning of a new adventure in space, but it was the beginning of something else, something far more valuable. Voyager was venturing into the unknown, as were they.

Kathryn smiled and leaned into him as she stared out at the stars. Nothing was going to keep them apart now. They had their entire lives ahead of them, all of eternity.

THE END


End file.
